The manic highs & lows of Christmas

Well heidi ho, poppits and greetings from Phoenix! I won't taunt you with the weather, sparing those of you in cold & snowy or rainy other places. I will tell you, however, that it hasn't been all "fun-in-the-sun" weather here. As a matter of fact, I got caught in a rain storm (thunder & lightning included!) as I was walking home from my bro's office one day. Of course, every CSI episode came back to haunt me as I imagined myself getting struck by lightning and/or having my brain fried through electrocution while listenting to my iPhone. Clearly my imagination was in overdrive on that day. OK, I know what you're thinking..."when ISN'T her imagination in overdrive?!?" Fair point...

So, what have been I up to and why have I titled this entry as "manic highs & lows"? Well, that's how I've been feeling. Clearly it's the sugar detox that has some effect, but I have been going on such an emotional roller coaster these past few days. On the positive side, I've been getting tremendous, positive feedback about my weight loss and how great I look. That's always a booster. However, the low's have come from the verbal self-flagellation associated with my lack of control over my eating. There was one low point, after I'd INHALED about 10 cookies, where I thought to myself "Yvonne, you've become a pig." Honestly, I called myself a "pig". I was so full from over-eating at dinner and yet that didn't stop me from eating 10 cookies. The sad part was, I didn't even realize I was eating them. Before I knew what I was doing, I had just eaten them...like I was on pig-out auto pilot. Pathetic, really...that's how I was feeling.

So, as many of you can predict, my self-destructive internal critic "Michelle" was in her heyday, calling me all kinds of names and telling me terrible things like...
"You're not going to get into your clothes" ... and "Look at your face. It's fat and your double chin is back".... and "You'll never climb The Inca Trail if you keep eating like this". I'm telling you, I was really feeling at an all-time low. I'm not sure if my brother was able to figure this out, as most of my self-abuse was internal, but I felt like I was too fat and ugly to do anything.

.... then came the hike to "The Summit"...another trail on Squaw Peak.

The scene...John, myself and nephews Tommy, Craig and Mark drove to the bottom of The Summit where we were to meet Cornelia and Gina. The boys were pumped and Mark, being the yoga guru, showed us some stretches. We started talking about The Inca Trail and Mark was telling us about his climb of Mt. Everest and the challenges he faced. He's so upbeat and was so excited for us about The Inca Trail that I started to get excited too. Admittedly, I was a bit intimidated looking at the trail we were about to climb, but when Craig said, "take it slowly Aunt Yvonne and you'll be able to do it. We're not in any rush", I started to feel better. When Cornelia and Gina joined us, I was feeling cautiously optimistic when we began the ascent....

It was REALLY challenging - partly because of the GOBS of people also doing the trek, but mostly because it was rough terrain and lots of rough "stairs" to the climb. What a PERFECT trail to prepare us for the Inca Trail! I was so happy that John & Cornelia have this hike and, admittedly, a bit jealous that I couldn't do it with them the whole winter. Sooooo, if anyone has any work for me in the Phoenix area, please feel free to contact me!!!

OK, so I didn't do the entire climb, I stopped climbing after the .75 mile point and headed down. I felt like I was getting tired and knew I needed to keep my strength for the tough descent. Besides, I knew it was time to head down when I almost slugged a few people for laligagging on the trail...imagine they felt it was an opportuntiy to socialize!! Who does a 1.5 mile hike up rough terrain in the boiling sun just for fun?!? What's the matter with these people?!? But I digress...

Thanks to John for giving me my hiking poles as my knees were spared alot of pressure! So, John & I will go back to The Summit at least twice before I head back to Toronto. My goal is to do the full climb. I know now to eat something before I go and to make more frequent stops along the way, if I need to. John's goal is to climb the Summit twice in one day by the end of February. "Go-go, daddy-o!" is what I say to that!!

So, I'm feeling much better about myself now..thank goodness! Although Michelle peaks her head up every once in a while, I'm doing a much better job of restraining my eating. John & I walk our 8 KM walk every morning, so that's a great way to start the day. To really show myself that I actually CAN restrain my urges, I have 8 chewy mint candies sitting on my dresser. My goal is to eat NONE of them...to look at them every day and say "nah, you're not worth it" and walk away. At some point during the week, my goal is to actually stop noticing them! So far so good! Also to celebrate resisting eating the leftover cookies and pie that are sitting in the kitchen. I'm back to my protein shakes and salads, so that's been very helpful. John is also restricting himself, so that has been helpful. Yeah to us!!!

Before I sign off, I wanted to tell you about my friend, Ann, who I reconnected with today after something like 8 years. The last time I saw Ann, she was, like 60 lbs. heavier. She looks TOTALLY amazing, even after a second baby, and has been doing really well. It was so great to reconnect with her and I left feeling GREAT about all I've accomplished on the diet and work front. She has always been a great supporter of mine, believing in me, encouraging me and leading by example for me. Ann has raised two boys, who are SO GREAT - well-behaved, respectful of each other, smart, fun, yada-yada! I've always admired Ann's "just do it" attitude and I was, once again, reminded of her resiliency, tenacity and amazing positive outlook. I am soooo glad she is back in my life.

Well poppits, time to sign off. Given that we're up tomorrow for another walk at 5:45 in the am, it's almost bed time for this bonzo!

As you look back on 2009, I hope you will feel proud of all you've accomplished and look forward to all you will accomplish in 2010! The sky's the limit, poppits, and know that I am walking beside ya,toasting your successes with really yummy champagne!

Cheers to us!!
(a) yt xox

Have you been naughty or nice?

Personally, I'd like a definition of "naughty" before I answer that question...

Well, tonight is the night when Santa Claus delivers all the presents to the good boys & girls, poppin' his jolly, round butt and cookies-and-milk-filled belly down chimneys around the world. Not sure how he does it, or how the whole condos & apartment buildings thing works, but he does a pretty good job of delivering good cheer. Three cheers to the fat guy in the red suit!

Tonight I head to Sun City for dinner & stimulating conversation with my family. My sister Dianne and hubby Denis & their two boys (Craig & Mark) will be our hosts, with sister Kathy, her son Tommy and bro John & partner Jimmy along for the food and beverages! It's all good. I've been "saving myself" for the food that is today and tomorrow, although I could've done a better job of on the "saving myself", truth be told.

True confession time, poppits...I've been overdosing on sugar treats. Remember I told you how I couldn't keep my hands off of the hard candies that seem to be everywhere? Well, yesterday I went into a See's Candies retail store. See's is like our Laura Secord, without the yummy eggs at Easter. They have lots of boxed chocolates and other treats, including these REALLY YUMMY peppermint candies. They're puffy and melt in your melt and are very hard for me to resist. So, despite the HUGE number of CRAZY senior citizens in the store...harassing the staff to show them their discount...demanding free chocolate samples ... yelling "WHERE'S THE SUGAR FREE STUFF!!!" over and over in the middle of the shop...despite these distractions, I still managed to grab a bag of the yummy peppermints. Oh, I shared...like, 10 of them with my brother, but I ate the ENTIRE rest of the bag myself. I just couldn't stop myself. I may as well have been the crazy old lady in the middle of the store shouting, "WHERE ARE THE PEPPERMINT PUFFY CANDIES?!?" I'm guessing that will be me sometime mid-next week, strung out and suffering from sugar withdrawals...sigh...

Well, I should sign off. I can hear my brother John, frantically doing last minute gift wrapping in the other room. He's so stressed that even dog, Pearl, is avoiding the room. Perhaps I'll offer him my help (and take a peek at the presents!!)...or maybe I'll just curl up for a nap...gotta love vacations!!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all the other stuff that goes with the love and spirit of the season. Remember to leave out cookies and milk for Santa and to believe in the goodness of humanity. Also remember the awesome post-Christmas sales!!
(a) yt xox

Life is a garden...

...dig it! That's how I was feeling this afternoon as I was cruising Thomas Ave, walking from John's work to his home...iPod playing my favourite tunes...new Christmas purchases swinging from my arm ... no jacket required. I was living La Vida Loca, baby!

Today I got up at 5:45, showered and rode into work with John. My mission: to ride the Metro to the courthouse, drop off a report for John, then reward myself with a Metro ride into Tempe for a fun morning of shopping and a Venti Starbucks Peppermint Mocha. When we arrived at the office, John realized the the judge was on vacation, so I didn't have to drop off the report. I have to admit I was a little disappointed, as my Law & Order crazy mind had created several possible, dramatic scenarios that could have played out. For example, I could've been taken hostage by some crazed criminal who busted loose from the cops just as I was entering the building. Of course, some hunky-yet-intelligent, tough-but-sensitive cop would rescue me, falling instantly and forever in love with me. OK, so maybe that's a combination Law & Order and Harlequin Romance, but can you see why I was disappointed?

ANYWAY, I ended up spending some time in the office catching up on emails and practicum stuff, then headed into Tempe for a little shopping and alotta Peppermint Mocha. Mission accomplished on both fronts, by the way. Then I headed back to John's office, had lunch with him and walked back home.

As I was walking back, I realized, once again, just how friggin' lucky I am. My life is so amazingly wonderful that I simply can't stand it! I have a supportive wonderful family, awesome friends, good health and naturally curly hair. Really, what more does anyone need?!? Can ya stand it? OK, enough bragging...

So, yesterday we went for a hike up Squaw Peak. Poppits, I'm quite proud of myself. I could see considerable improvement from the time I was here in July. AND, we climbed all the way to the top this time...which we didn't do before. It was an extra 15-20 minutes straight up with some creative footwork required over the rocks. To be truthful, the whole climb was on fairly rocky terrain. Not sure why I didn't remember that from July...must be a mental block! Anyway, I climbed it using the new hiking poles my bro gave me and what a blessing those poles were!

My nephew, Craig, joined us on the hike. As we were doing the descent, I became pretty skiddish at one very rocky point. Craig said to me, in a quiet calm voice "Aunt Yvonne. You've got good poles that will support you and amazing reflexes to stop you from falling. You're going to be ok." Well, that was better than a massage 'cuz I felt my whole body relax. He was right. I just had to watch my step, go with the flow and chillax!!! It's amazing what a little shot of confidance can do for you! That moment I must remember whenever I go into a coaching session. People just need to realize their own strengths and the resources they've got available to them. That Craig..so young, yet so insightful!!

The weather is changing and expected to be overcast and "cold" through Christmas Eve. "Cold" for Phoenix is 10 celcius...I can live with that! Although I miss the sun, I am confidant it will return Christmas Day. While some folks are dreaming of a white Christmas, this chick wants to feel the warmth of the sun!!!

G'night poppits! Time for my beauty sleep. Until next time, go dig in the garden!!
(a) yt xox

Evils be gone!!

Greetings from sunny and warmer-than-Mississauga Phoenix! I arrived last night with my sister (Dianne) and nephew (Craig) and headed to Sun City for dinner at my sister, Rita's. It was a lovely night, but it started me on the beginning of my Temptation Hell.

Rita made a lovely, healthy dinner of salmon, asparagus, sweet potato fries and salad. My decadence was the 10 sweet potato fries and a 1/2 glass of wine. I avoided the chocolate cake for dessert, but couldn't seem to keep my hands off of the candies in the dishes all over the living room. Before I even realized what was happening, I had inhaled about 10 Christmas hard candies, 3 mints and 4 chocolates...YOWZA!!! I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from grabbing more candies. Not a good way to start my vacation....

Today, John & I got up and walked 8 KM in the morning, then we had a hearty everything-but-the-kitchen-sink omelette for breakfast. Then we entered the human rat race of last minute Christmas shoppers and bought all our stuff for Christmas dinner. What a mad house out there! Now, I've always said that it's my gift to humankind to stay out of shopping places at this time of year. So, what do I find myself doing? Cruising around Costco, Frys Supermarket and Trader Joe's. Add to it, I was a bit cranky because I was still tired from taking too many Tylenol PMs last night. Come 2:00, it was not pretty. Many a curse words were said and scowls were given to unsuspecting people who happened to rub me the wrong way. Fortunately, no one was hurt in the exchanges... well except for John who had to put up with my whining...bless his wee heart!

Our last stop was to Hi's Health where I picked up protein powder for my shakes. I've decided it's time to take back control of my eating....so far, so good! We went to "Glendale Glitters" tonight, which is an outdoor event where they have all the trees lit up for Christmas and lots of little booths with trinkets, trash, & tasty treats. Temptation abounded! Do you think I could find something healthy to eat?!? It was either a chicken pita from the Greek place or cheddar chili fries..those were my temptations. Or else I could've had Indian Naan bread with chocolate and powdered sugar...or maybe a big ass bag of Kettle popcorn...or there was always the caramel apples with chocolate chips or coconut or peanuts....or better yet, I could've gone for the frozen cheesecake on a stick dipped in chocolate..seriously. Do you see my hell, people?!? So, I settled for the Chicken in a Pita, a big jug of water and a piece of gum, which I chewed like a cow with an overactive cud. Like chewing my gum REALLY loudly with my mouth open would make me NOT want to mug the old lady with chocolate dipped strawberries. Sheesh!

So, here I sit at 10:11 pm reminding myself of all the food I missed out on tonight. It's a bitter sweet victory, really. On the one hand, I'm glad my only indulgence was the pita bread. However, the flip side is that I missed out on chocolate covered frozen cheesecake on a stick. When will I ever get a chance at that again?!?

Tomorrow, John & I are meeting some folks and hiking Squaw Peak in the morning. I'm curious to see how I do this time...20 lbs lighter and with 3 hikes under my belt. Wish me luck, poppits!! In the meantime, if you're one of those last minute Christmas shoppers, remember to be patient, to turn the other cheek and that elbow pads soften the blow to the person you're fighting with for that absolutely-perfect-gift-for-mom. Practice safe shopping, poppits!
(a) yt xox

When you look at me, what do you see?

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and guess that what YOU see is very different, and most likely far more positive than what I see. Thank you, Inner Critic, Michelle...

Last night I had dinner with my new friend, Panagiota. Now Panagiota is a warm, funny, smart, gorgeous woman with alot to offer. And yet...do you think her inner critic would allow her to acknowledge that?!? No way!! What is up with that, anyway? I've always said that it would be great if we could see ourselves through the eyes of our friends. Imagine how good we'd feel about ourselves! No matter how objective I THINK I can be, it's rare that I can see myself objectively. Oh sure, I'm down 67 lbs, but am I completely rid of fat pockets and cellulite? Nope. So instead of seeing my not-quite-a-six-pack abs, I see the jiggly bits all around my abs. It's not quite fair and I'm not sure how to stop the madness that is my Inner Critic, Michelle.

I've been listening to The Law of Attraction on audiobook. It's by Jerry & Esther Hicks, where Esther channels Abraham, a collection of spirits who have a message to get to us humans about how the Law of Attraction works. In a nutshell, it's all about being clear in what you want and thinking only of what you want...ya know, positive messages; good emotional energy, etc. It's basic stuff. It's been helping me to think more positively about things, even though I'm not experiencing them right now. For example, I focus on all the things I can do, now that I've lost alot of weight (like hiking and cross-country skiing and cycling). I no longer think about how unachievable these things are or how awkward I will look doing them. Instead I think about when I can squeeze them into my calendar! It's pretty cool. I'm thinking this is a way for me to battle Michelle, my Inner Critic. Ya know, think about all the things I CAN and WILL do, not what I can NOT do. Does this make sense? I hope I haven't lost you...

In the meantime, I've decided that I want to actually start telling people what I see in them - let them really see themselves through my eyes. Of course, I will tell only the positive stuff I see...unless they've got spinach in their teeth or a boogie in their nose. That's my commitment to you, poppits. So be prepared for the good stuff!

Imagine a world where everyone had only good things to say to each other ... hmmmm....

G'night and sweet dreams of compliments and good feelings!
(a) yt xox

Post-Carbohydrate Consumption Disorder

or as it's more commonly known amoung the food addicts, "PCCD". Anyone else familiar with this term? Recognize any of the following symptoms:

- perpetual state of drowsiness and low energy?
- cravings of sugar, bread or anything covered in peanut butter?
- fabric marks and drool on your cheeks from falling asleep on the couch with your mouth wide open?
- general tightness of the pants and swelling of the ankles?
- a low desire to make any movements, including exercise, house cleaning and/or rolling out of bed?
- a Pavlovian drooling at the sight of chocolate?

If you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, you have Post-Carbohydrate Consumption Disorder (PCCD). Anyone can get PCCD. all they have to do is eat...like ALOT of breads, or sugars or anything really tasty.

I know because I am experiencing PCCD now. My journey-to-hell began last Wednesday when I started baking for my Open House & Tacky Gift Exchange. I THOUGHT I could exercise control, but I knew I was in trouble the moment the Oatmeal Scotchies came out of the oven. Instantly The Rationalizer kicked in and before I knew it, I had snarfed down 4 cookies "because I needed to taste-test the new recipe." Sound familiar? People, ONE cookie is taste testing, a dozen is gluttony...

By Saturday our family "Christmas Day", I was grabbing anything that looked like it contained sugar or fat or dairy...seriously. The only thing I didn't eat were the candy canes on the tree. And don't think I didn't try to eat one, but couldn't find a moment alone with the tree or else I would've grabbed one and shoved THE ENTIRE THING into my mouth.

So, here I sit Monday evening, waiting to pick up my nephew Craig from the airport. If I didn't have the 11:59 arrival time, I would be fast asleep in a carb-induced coma. The past 6 days have taught me many things, including:

- no amount of carbs is worth the drugged up, no energy, downer feeling of PCCD
- when I decide to let go, I really have no self-control when it comes to sweets. That insight, quite frankly, is scary!
- If I bake it, the pounds will come

On a positive notes, the 12 Oatmeal Scotchies I ate with a glass of milk at noon have been sitting in my belly like a lead balloon. I haven't felt like eating another thing since. Of course, I can't seem to shake off the looming nausea, but I guess I deserve the pain.

I really wanted to capture the feeling so that I can look back on this blog anytime I have cravings for carbs and ask myself "is it really worth it?!?" Right now, I'm hearing a resounding "NO FLIPPIN' WAY!!!" in my head, but that's because the Oatmeal Scotchies and milk refuse to digest and I can't seem to keep my eyes open. No doubt I'll be going through my carb withdrawals for the next three weeks, a really bad result of PCCD. One day I hope to learn from this experience, but until then, I acknowledge my weakness for the carbohydrates and focus on the positives ... like ...

- the last of the cookies, fudge and delicious treats have been given away to a deserving family of skinny people
- I'm facing 2 weeks in Phoenix and my brother has lined up lots of exercising gigs, including walks and hikes
- Christmas and Tacky Gift Exchanges only happen once a year, so I am confident in my full recovery from PCCD before I face the carbs again next year

Well poppits, I hope your holiday season is filled with love, joy and good eating...however you're defining "good"!

Cheers!
(a) yt xox

Christmas is over and yet....

..it's only December 13th!

Well, it's 10:51 pm Sunday night and I have survived a very busy weekend. I'm watching "A Christmas Story" with my brother, John, who is staying with me for the weekend. And what a weekend it's been! Friday night was our "Christmas Eve" when everyone arrived into Mississauga, to my sister Lorry's house, our gracious hostess. Saturday morning we opened our presents and Sat. night was Christmas dinner. Then to my Open House & Tacky Gift Exchange Sunday afternoon & evening. It was a whirlwind of food, treats and more food. It was difficult to maintain some control over my eating what with all the friggin' cookies & bars I baked, the chocolates and desserts at my sister's and general temptation all around. I'm trying to look for the positive and the only thing I can think of is that I resisted drinking booze. Considering I don't drink alcohol, I'm not sure that really counts, but I'm clinging to it. So I must pay the piper, step on the scale tomorrow and just suck it up.

I've been talking with my brother about my trip to Phoenix and we've decided we need to exercise, hike and work our asses off...literally! I'm' looking forward to it. But before I hit Phoenix, I must survive one more workout with The Evil One. Oh dear.

As you know, this weekend was quite chilly with crappy weather. My brother, who now has woosified blood and can no longer stand temperatures below 25 celsius, suggested I spend my winters in Phoenix. As I looked at him getting ready to go out for a smoke, putting on his toque, ear muffs, mittens, scarf, boots and heavy jacket, I thought "why not?!?" Really, if I could build a business there, I would be happy to spend winters in Phoenix. Soooooo....I'm approaching my Phoenix Christmas vacation with a new filter...what is the business I can build?!? John already suggested a couple of ideas for workshops I could do and he offered the boardroom in his office for my use. Hmmmm.....this time next year I just might be blogging from new home in Phoenix! I'll be sure to get a spare bedroom for visitors....

Well, it's now 11:13 and I'm meeting my AFOOFA buddies tomorrow morning at 8:00 so it's time for me to sign off and get my beauty sleep!

G'nite poppits!
(a)yt xox

Finding your sweet spot

Hi everyone!

When you hear the words, "sweet spot" what do you think of? Some people will think of golf and the spot on the golf club that makes that wonderful "crack" sound when you hit it just right and the ball goes screaming straight down the fairway. Or perhaps your sweet spot is like mine which is the vortex at Union Station that contains Dairy Queen, Cinnabon, Laura Secord and, sometimes, fabulous silver jewelry on display for purchase...food and bling...heaven really....

Well, this week I feel as if I've been swimming in my "sweet spot" every moment of every day! Wonderful & awesome things have been transpiring in my life. Call it "The Universe", or "God's mysterious ways" or "the stars aligning"...whatever! It's all been really good stuff going on and I've been feeling amazing, really. So, sit down, grab a drink and maybe a treat and read on, poppits!!

It all started after my AFOOFA meeting last week with the fabulous Duane, Aubrey & Sylvie. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about people's resiliency and their ability to draw strength from within to help them cope with/survive major upheaval throughout their life. This seed got planted and before I knew it, I was sending an email to many of my family, friends and colleagues asking if they would share their stories with me. All I can say is...

!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY RESPONSE, BATMAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOWZA! Clearly I've hit on something because so many people are intrigued by the topic and very interested in sharing their experience. So, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the information, but I simply CAN'T WAIT to hear the stories! I've got a good feeling about this one...

Well, other great things that have been happening all seem to be around workshops and coaching. I received a call from someone I met at an ACPI meeting. Remember the guy I almost stole the banana cream pie from? Well, he called me and asked for my input on a whole day workshop he was contracted to do for a local college. Next thing I know, I'm sitting outside Starbucks, brainstorming an outline for a morning workshop...wow!! It was such a cool feeling! I never thought of myself as a designer of workshops, but here I came up with one within 1 1/2 hours. It was such a great feeling. And, again, the objective was to help people tap into their own strengths to help them cope with an upcoming change.

My point of sharing is that I have been RIDING HIGH for the past week and a half simply because I'm living out my passion, my mission, my joie de vivre...and it feels GREAT! For me, it's all about connecting with others and helping. Now, I'm learning that it's ALSO about helping people realize their own strengths. People are so brilliantly resourceful...they just need to be reminded of that! And this past week was filled with lots of Practicum stuff, coaching sessions and really great networking meetings. Man! I'm so pumped remembering the past week that my fingers are just flying over this keyboard. The Apple is SMOKIN', baby!!!

And now, cut to how life is on the food and exercise front...

Well, some good news...I'm down another 1 lb, so that makes 67 in total. That's a good thing considering my only exercise was my workout with The Evil One. It's going to be the same this week as I've been quite busy and heading into Christmas party central! BTW, had a bit of drama around LPS. It seems Clance (the owner) packed up the entire gym and evacuated it Friday night...without telling anyone but the movers! Hello?!? I got an email from Werner telling me the news, then a call from Clance late Sunday night. Such mystery and drama. Anyway, The Evil One is now working from a private gym called "Station 7", which is above the Good Life Fitness at Union Station. It's so much more convenient to the GO Train and is really more private. Sooooooo, if anyone's interested in being trained by The Evil One, now's your chance! You, too, can sweat your ass off...literally and figuratively! Oh, and THIS gym has really fun machines for pull downs that make your arms come out of your sockets and a big ass bag that weighs about 50 lbs and looks like a punching bag that you get to carry across the gym floor twice...makes you want to come on down and sign up, doesn't it?!?

My family comes to town for our "Christmas in Ontario" and I have my Annual Open House & Tacky Gift Exchange for which I am baking up a storm. My brother, John, is staying at my house. He's notorious for "sleep walking" when there are homemade treats in the house, leaving nothing but bread crumbs and disappointment the morning after. Fortunately my sister, Bea is also staying with me and can share "John Duty". On the positive side, I get to open some Christmas presents this weekend...yes, poppits, it's all about the presents!!

Well, I have more to tell you but it's late and I need to get my beauty sleep. I wish you sweet dreams and wishes for you to find your sweet spot very soon!

Merry Christmas season, poppits!
(a) yt xox

I've discovered I'm a masochist

No, I really mean it this time. I had a HORRIBLE food craving day, which we all know is not unusual. What IS unusual is the ensuing behaviour from said cravings. Instead of avoiding places that inspire the cravings...um... like EVERYWHERE, I went head long into the dens of evil. It was like I cut myself a 1000 times, everywhere on my body, then started to wade into a big pool of lemon juice....

First, I go into the pool up to my knees....that's when I walked through Loblaws yesterday...past the PC chocolate bars with yummy things inside like coconut or almonds or toffee or caramel or all of the above...right up to the freezer filled to the brim with Candy Cane fudge crackle ice cream, which BTW is my absolute favourite ice cream of the season....can you feel the burn of the lemon juice with me??

And the burn from the lemon juice stops...and it's a new day...

Then I decide to continue my journey into the lemon juice, up to my hips...which would be when I took a tour of the Laura Secord at Union Station and saw (are you ready for this?!?) chocolate filled candy canes! How heavenly is that?!? Why, that is better than Candy Cane ice cream because I could eat an entire bag of 15 chocolate filled candy canes and NEVER freeze my mouth!! BTW, remember "The Rationalizer"? Well, that voice was telling me that the chocolate filled candy canes would be a good source of energy for when I'm climbing the Inca Trail and that I should buy some now and stock up for the trip...which is in May...oie!

So, the burn of the lemon juice has now subsided and, my masochistic self decides to just submerge entirely...that would be when I'm waiting for my GO Train and sitting directly across from the Dairy Queen...oh yeah...I'm staring at posters of the three DQ waffle sundaes...and the poster of the Peanut Buster Parfait (my favourite)...and watching all the happy people as they eat their ice cream cones and waffle sundaes and blizzards...I just sat there, watching ... craving ... feeling the burn of the lemon juice.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I felt really compelled to write about this. I'm quite proud of myself for not acting on the cravings, but I am very worried about how they keep rearing their ugly heads. I need to find a way to shut down the masochist so I stop putting myself into situations that tempt me. This continues to be my challenge.

So, once again, I need to reinforce the good. For example and keep focused on how far I've come. Can I just say how happy I will be when I no loner have to worry about worrying about this stuff?!?

Well, time to go to sleep. I'm very glad I got that off my chest. Here's me movin' on....

Have a great weekend, poppits!
(a) yt xox

Always look on the bright side of life

If you're a Monty Python fan, you're now whistling the rest of the little ditty that comes at the end of The Life of Brian...what a fun movie that is!

Once again, I have fallen behind in my commitment to blog twice/week. To be truthful, I just couldn't bring myself around to doing it. I haven't been in the best head-space last week, so I felt I would not be able to be the Ambassador of Positivity I've tried to be. But then I thought, "So what's the big deal?!?" After all, not everyone can be positive all the time, right? I know people count on me for their positive fix - heck! I count on myself - but on the rare occasion, it's just too damn hard for me to feel the positivity! That's what I was experiencing last week. It affected many aspects of my life:

- I felt doubt & worry about my Leap of Faith and whether or not this career path was going to work out for me.
- my eating habits...I actually ate those dreaded grains, poppits!
- how much I exercised...still more than the week before, but not as much as I would've liked to have exercised
- and, once again, my condo was a disaster!

I felt at my lowest Sunday afternoon and evening, which is when I inhaled ALOT of bad food. So, I decided that I would do something I hadn't done in a long time. I decided I could allow myself to wallow in self-pity for the duration of Sunday. I used to do this ... feel sorry for myself for 24 hours then move on! It worked and I could see a change. I'm not 100% back to my normal self, but I feel better every time I speak with someone I haven't seen in a while. I love to speak of my journey and remind myself of all the great "irons in the fire" I have going on.

I've got lots to be grateful for...Good things like....

- I am back on track for my eating and exercising. BTW, I've done another two hikes since my last blog. One was on my own and, after 2 1/2 hours, I realized I was lost in the forest! Fortunately, Josephine & Jackie (mom & daughter angels!) took pity on me and drove me to my car...oie!

- I'm down 62 lbs so far and more than 1/2 way to my optimal weight! That deserves a big !!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- The Christmas holidays are just around the corner and I'm BEYOND the valley of excited about them! BTW, the condo is now presentable and ready for Christmas decorations!

On the eating side, it's been a real struggle for me. It seems I'm craving things like mad. I almost French-kissed a guy because he was eating beef and I could smell it on his breath. This is what I've become.

We recently had a meeting of ACPI, this association I belong to. It was held at a Golden Griddle restaurant. Do you think I could get the image of pancakes out of my head?!? NO! We're talking WEEKS of pancake cravings! The good news is I ate a Greek salad when I was there (sans feta cheese). However, it came with a piece of garlic toast. Before I even realized what I was doing, half of the toast was in my mouth! I couldn't believe it! THEN, one of the guys at my table ordered a piece of banana cream pie. Now, banana cream pie isn't even one of my pies of choice, but I had a visual flash in my head where I saw myself leaping across the table, grabbing the pie and shoving it ALL into my mouth. Oh great. Now I have a craving for pie..sigh...

Well, undaunted I press on in the vain pursuit of looking good naked. I hope all of you are feeling good about yourselves and feeling positive. If not, call me!!

Until Sunday, peace and positivity my brothers & sisters!!
(a) yt xox

What a week!

Greetings & salutations, dudes & babes!

Well, what a whirlwind of a few days, let me tell you! I'm sitting in front of my TV, having finished watching the 3rd movie for the night...ah, relaxation! I must confess that it was well-deserved. You see, I've had a fairly busy end of the week, don't 'cha know...

Well, Thursday was the Inspire Your Career Day and it went very well. We exceeded the number of people in attendance (101 in total!) and my round table went quite well. I have heard great feedback from people about both things, so I'm a happy camper! It was so amazing to hear all the folks who's lives we touched. I mean, isn't that what it's all about?!?

After the event, I had another big deadline for my practicum. And, being the true Myers-Briggs "P", I waited until the last minute to meet it. Well, actually, it's due tomorrow, but I submitted it all Friday afternoon, so it wasn't THAT last minute, I suppose!! It felt good to finish it. I will admit, though, that I didn't really like the last minute stress. Sooooo...I spent the latter part of Friday afternon and evening catching up on some journaling and paper work I'd fallen behind in. It felt good. It brought me back to my high school and university days when I'd wait until the last minute to do my assignments. You'd think I'd learn, right?!? Oh well. It's all good!

Today I went for a hike with some of the Inca Chicks. It was GREAT! The trail we chose was in Oakville. It has an inner loop that runs 5KM and the outer loop is 10KM. We did the 5KM this week and will do 10KM next weekend. It had a couple of steep inclines and even some stairs! I was glad to say that I did it, but was out of breath after a few of the inclines. We were keeping a pretty good pace, too, and I managed to keep up so I was happy with that. Two of the women were on the Mt. Kilimanjaro hike, so they had some great advice for us. I was really happy I went out today. We will continue this through the winter months, which doesn't REALLY excite me, but I can see the value in doing it...oie! I'm going to try and get back again to the trail so I can start building my lung capacity. I was sure glad to be rid of the weight I was carrying!

I've been struggling with the "Leap and the net will appear". I'm seeing some big output of money coming up with Christmas and my faith is getting a little shaky. I don't know if it's a time-of-the-month thing or perhaps Michelle, my inner critic is acting up. Intellectually, I know I've got some really good things in the pipeline that will pan out eventually. However, the challenge for me is that I'm having a tough time FEELING that I will be ok...ya know?!? I know, if I stick to doing what is in my heart, that the money will come. It's just that I think it would be nice to start depositing money into my bank account for a change...sigh...

So, tomorrow is another day, full of opportunities. I have two coaching sessions and my practicum call so that should put me into a better head space. Eventually, that familiar feeling will come back to me ... the feeling of the wind on my face as I journey downwards on my leap of faith ... I just need to step off the ledge again.

I hope that you are still free-falling to the ground, poppits! In the meantime, undaunted we press on!!
(a) yt xox

where did the week go?!?

Sorry, poppits! I can't believe a week has gone by since last I typed. How interesting that I remember to blog on Remembrance Day....hmmm...

My week has been quite busy, well busy for me anyway! As you know, I've been the lead on planning a community event with one of the coaching associations I belong to. It's been a great experience, but I find myself running around with many of the last minute, ankle-biter details. The event is designed to help folks in career transition with whatever help they want. We'll have about 20 coaches there to help with resumes, interviewing & networking, building resilience, and a round table created by moi! I'm very excited about it. It's been a great experience thinking through and creating an actual working session. My hope is that it will be a success (i.e. people will really feel like the format has helped them) and I can blow it out into a workshop. Let's face it, the more people that can benefit, the better! BTW, if you're interested in attending, here are the deats:

Where: Metro Toronto Convention Centre, North Building, Room 101 (Press Conference Room)
When: Nov. 12th 8:30-1:00; Registration is from 7:30 - 8:30
Cost: $20

On the weight loss front, I'm rockin' and rollin' people! As of my Monday morning weigh in, I was down 5 lbs. from last week...16 lbs. from Oct. 1st and 59 lbs in total!!
That calls for a big ...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't 'cha think?!?

Admittedly, I've been doing a full court press on the eating plan, with the intention of achieving my optimal weight fast to help improve my chances of kicking the Inca Trail butt. However, I must admit that I've been concerned about the sustainability of an "ass-tasting shake and chicken/veggie" diet. I'm really missing my beef, to be truthful. Then I had this "aha moment"....what makes me think this isn't the way it can be forever?!? OK people, hear me out....

Maybe my new regime is a protein shake 2x/day with a meal of protein (not just chicken) and veggies..add some fruit & I'm good to go! Sure, I can have cheat meals or treats every once in a while, but what's wrong with this plan?!? I offset the vitamin loss with supplements, so that's good. I keep the discipline I require to keep it off..more good. I maintain my exercise regime so I can climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in 2014...good again!

It's really my mindset that has to (or had to) change. I kept thinking that I needed to go back to a "normal" eating plan. Well, what is "normal", anyway?!? And is my "normal" good for someone else? I'm guessing my friends Aubrey & Duane would say "ick, no way!!" at the thought of my food focus. At the end of the day, when I am in maintenance of my optimal weight mode, it will be because of MANY changes I've made to patterns and beliefs. I WILL be successful, dammit. There's no turning back now and, quite frankly, I'm diggin' this better, healthier me. I refuse to go back to the old patterns of ....

... eating whenever I feel like it...now I try to eat when I'm hungry

... considering a walk from my couch to my kitchen as exercise ... now, exercise isn't considered to be exercise unless I'm sweating and swearing profusely

... listening to The Rationalizer tell me that biting my ice cream exerts more calories than licking it, therefore, eat more ice cream ... now I can tell The Rationalizer to "bite this"!!

... thinking I'm too fat to ride a bike, or do the treadmill, or to look smokin' hot wearing anything ... now? well I know that's just Michelle, my inner critic, acting up and I can tell her to "get lost"!

This blog has really helped me to identify and work through so many of my bad and good patterns and thoughts. It's amazing what you'll discover once you look into your head!

Thanx for taking this journey with me, poppits!

What's to look forward for the balance of the week? Well, the event is tomorrow and I've got some catching up to do with my Adler practicum. A digitally remastered showing of Gone With the Wind Saturday and a hike with some of the Inca Trail chicks Sunday. What a great week I'll have...lucky me!

I will sign off with recognition and thanx for the efforts of the veterans to whom we owe our freedom. I couldn't write this blog without them!

Cheers!
(a) yt xox

Things that make me go "hmmmm"...

Greetings & salutations on this 4th day of November. Happy Birthday to dear friend, Brian!!

Today I had a coaching session with a wonderful client. At the end of our conversation, we started to discuss what a "bad person" looks like. It got me thinking about myself and the whole "Ambassador of Positivity" thing. Overall, I think I'm a pretty decent person, with always the best of intentions, especially now that I'm away from the corporate world and the influence of "she-who-must-not-be-named". However, I got to thinking about times when I wasn't always at my best, most positive self.

It's time for me to come clean and tell you when I have broken the Ten Commandments of Positivity. Forgive me poppits, for I have cursed...

1) You shall have no other bargains before me - I don't know about you, but when I see a sale on something and it's the last item, I can get pretty ugly. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I've actually elbowed a woman away from a pair of gloves I wanted in Costco. I know, it's bad, but I get all caught up in the can't-pass-up-a-deal thing and lose it.

2) You shall not make a carved image of anything that is carbs or dairy, no matter of what it is made - Admittedly, I've thought so much about carbs and dairy (as you well know) that I've tried to imagine them in the form of carrots or brussel sprouts. Trust me, it is neither positive nor pleasant when the realization that a "carrot is just a carrot" sets in.

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain ... uh, yeah...hmmmm...traffic, people in the "8 items or less" line with more than 8 items, malls at Christmas, hang nail...get the picture?!?

4) Remember the treadmill, to keep it active - there are days when I just don't want to workout and let's face it, I'm just not nice about it. Can you say "big, fat whiner", boys & girls?!?

5) Honour your protein and your veggies - Well, 'nuf said on this one since you've lived through my not-so-positive blogs when I don't honour the diet....or I'm honouring the diet and hating every moment of it!

6) You shall not murder even if the person is eating Dairy Queen - OK, so I haven't ACTUALLY committed murder, but there are many times when I've fantasized about causing death. Remember the time I wanted to push the woman onto the GO Train platform for eating a gooey, chocolatey, ice cream thingy?!?

7) You shall not cheat on your fat intake - ah, I remember the day when I was told I couldn't eat sweet potato fries...shameful, really ...

8) You shall not steal, borrow or buy your way onto the red carpet at the Film Festival - Unfortunately, there are many security guards who have blushed at my unladylike behaviour and/or my creative use of profanity...sigh...

9) You shall not bear false witness against your food diary - inevitably the scale reveals all and when that happens, it ain't pretty or positive...case in point when I wanted to staple The Evil One's lips shut when he said my weight out loud.

10) You shall not covet your neighbour's chocolate cake...or your sister's caramel apple pie ... or your brother's Stone Cold Creamery Sundae...or your friend's Apple Fritter - puh-lease! Covet schmovet, I've been known to lay BIG TIME guilt trips on people for eating this food in front of me. I've also threatened bodily harm, which does NOT fall into optimal "Ambassador of Positivity" behaviour.

OK, so clearly I have alot of work to do to fulfill the Ambassador of Positivity obligations. BUT, I'm willing to cut myself some slack because, although I WANT to take down the Cinnabon eater, I have yet to do it. To me, that's the difference between good & evil, sane vs. insane, on the edge or over the edge.

G'night poppits...and behave!!!
(a) yt xox

Sometimes the grass is not always that green

Well, it's been 4 days of my new food adventure and let me tell ya, it's been a bit hellacious. I've had some real challenges sticking to the diet of protein shakes and chicken & veggies and, to be truthful, I slipped up a few times.

But, I did have some successes...like....
- I worked out at LPS three days (keeping my "contract" with The Evil One)
- I did a sweat-my-ass-off hill program on the treadmill today
- I avoided shoving my face into the birthday cake of my great nephew, Lucas
- I did not mug the senior lady in my building who was giving away the candy bags on Halloween
These are all good things, poppits.

Now that I think about it, I actually had a "moment of glory" for myself. Please allow me to toot my own horn for a moment...setting the scene...

I just did a workout at LPS; it's day 2 of ass-tasting shake, chicken & veggies. I'm at Union Station waiting for my GO Train. I'm so hungry my stomach is growling loud enough that people are starting to line up in front of me thinking I'm one of the trains. Are ya with me?!?

I see an "empty" seat in between a woman, eating a chocolate bar and a man, sleeping, holding a McDonald's bag. In between them is a seat with a napsak on it. Because I'm masochistic and there really isn't another seat, I go for the seat between chocolate bar and McDonald's. I ask them to move the bag and the guy wakes up long enough to move the napsak...but he's still holding on to the McDonald's bag, which I notice has french fries in it. By now, my sense of smell has been heightened beyond belief and I swear I can smell the chocolate chips they're putting into the Mrs. Fields cookies on the other side of Union Station. Needless to say, I want those fries in a BAD WAY!!!

I sit between the lady (who has eaten the chocolate bar and is now shining up a red, juicy apple to eat) and french fries. I become fixated on the shiny red apple, running up and down the arm...rotating as it moves...getting shinier...and shinier...I watch the apple as it rises to the mouth and a bite is taken. I swallow before I drool...then I notice french fries man has started to snore...which makes me focus on him...and his french fries...glistening with oil...and salt...loosely being gripped by The Snorer...almost ready to fall out of their paper packet...into the bag that holds a wrapper...that used to hold a hamburger...or cheeseburger....or Filet 'o' Fish...

Then I feel the hunger pain in my stomach and think...

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STEP AWAY FROM THE FRIES!!!!"

Which I do...and go and stand by the monitors...waiting for the platform to be posted so I can flee this fresh hell I am living within.

The Evil One warned me I should get used to hunger, but he didn't warn me that I would do horrible, self-inflicting torturous things like sit between chocolate bar/apple & french fries. There's something psychological in that, isn't there?!? As my mom would say, I've finally "flipped my pizza".

"What was my 'moment of glory'", you ask? Well, did I reach over and eat The Snorer's french fries? No! Or did I grab the shiny, red apple from the lady? No again! These are the moments to celebrate and I'll take 'em when I can, dammit! Crisis averted...

The rest of the week seemed more normal for me. I cooked dinner for my friends, Ayumi & Jennine, Friday night. These are two peeps from my improv days. Mind you, they've managed to make a living as professional actors/comediennes/writers. Perhaps because they're far more talented and much hotter than I am...that's ok, they loved my cooking! Anyway, it was INSPIRATIONAL conversation and wonderful to see them, even if they held me down and forced me to eat carbs...tee hee...

So it's time to put the challenges of the week behind me and to look forward to the week ahead. As Anne of Green Gables would say, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it"....gotta love that!

Enjoy your new day, poppits!!
(a) yt xox

If I hear another voice in my head...

...does that mean I'm going crazy?!? Or is it crazy if I start to salivate when watching a KFC advertisement for their "boneless, skinless chicken fillets" and really believe that life tastes better with KFC? These are questions on my mind tonight.

Well, I can forgo the burning question about KFC fillets and how it makes life taste. However, the issue about another voice in my head is worth discussing, don't you think? So, here's the deal...I have another voice I will call "The Rationalizer". Why? Because it makes me think about doing things I wouldn't normally do by justifying the behaviour in an insane way. "Normal" being when I'm full of good food and not craving chocolate or olive bread or baby-back ribs. Here's how he works...and he's definitely a "he". I mean only a man can make me think about doing things I wouldn't normally do, right?!? But I digress...

So, The Rationalizer has really been acting in full force lately and I'm getting annoyed. He tells me things like...peanut butter mixed with organic rice is, indeed, healthy... and ... Ritz crackers with cheese have no calories because they are eaten on a plane ... and ... consuming significant amounts of Middle Eastern food is just fine because everyone knows Lebanese food is healthy, even if you eat five helpings of it.

See what I mean?!? Is it just me or does anyone else have "The Rationalizer" in their head? I'm guessing this is the same "guy" that has told me it's ok to steal the Cinnabon from a teenager because I'd be saving her from the torment of her bitchy girlfriends. Fortunately, I don't act on most of the "tips" provided by The Rationalizer (OK, I didn't have FIVE helpings of the Lebanese food, so there Rationalizer!).

So, I spent the weekend in Phoenix, which is why I didn't type in the blog. It was a great time. The weather was AWESOME...sunny and in the high 20s. My bro hosted a party for which Mona cooked. Mona is 1/2 of "Mona & Joe Hamade", a Lebanese couple who live in Vancouver and who have met all of us who lived in Vancouver at one point. They also visited our family in Ontario, so we know them well. ANYWHO, Mona is an AMAZING Lebanese cook and, literally, cooked for days in prep for the party Saturday night. I helped in a SMALL way...mostly taste-testing! It was a great party and everyone enjoyed meeting Mona & Joe, so all was a good time.

I did, however, let loose from a food perspective. Going into the weekend, I was down 9 lbs. over the course of three weeks. Of course, that's because I was eating NOTHING BUT chicken, rice and veggies. Let's just say I ate more than chicken over the weekend. As a result I gained back 3 lbs. when I weighed in Tuesday morning...sigh...

Coincidentally, I had a workout with The Evil One Tuesday and stepped onto the scale at the gym. That one showed me up 2.5 lbs. Needless to say I got a gentle, verbal bitch slap from he-who-must-not-be-named. He was trying to do a combo "why do you keep falling off the wagon" with "I really believe in you". Needless to say, I acted appropriately by starting to boo hoo a little...not sure where the tears came from but let's just say it's time for me to pull out Steal Magnolias to get rid of this emotion. Anyway, I'm back to a strict diet again (just chicken & veggies) with 2 shakes a day. To be truthful, I was looking forward to coming back and having some discipline again.

I bought some protein powder that The Evil One suggested. He forewarned me that it tasted "like ass" (his words, not mine). "Ass" wouldn't be the word I'd choose, given that I've never indulged in said delicacy. However, it does taste crappy. It's like I'm eating really chopped up grass with a hint of strawberry. And what's really exciting is that I'm going to be drinking this ... um ... yummyness ... for two meals every day. I'm guessing it will be for a long while. The good news is that I will most likely lose a great deal of weight, which I am happy about.

I know what you're thinking, poppits..."it's too drastic"..."she won't sustain it"...'she's going to push someone from a building"...I hear ya. And don't think I'm not feeling the same angst. BUT, I am excited about seeing a picture of me at my optimal weight...climbing The Inca Trail weighing 50 lbs. less...highly energetic...feeling damn good ... and looking smokin' HOT!! Are ya with me?!?

So, I suffer for the cause, keeping the goal in mind - looking good naked! Oh wait, that's Werner's goal. OK, MY goal is optimal weight, good health and overall general hotness!

What are your goals, poppits?!?
(a) yt xox

um...hello?!? Anybody home?!?

What's the expression...
... the lights are on but nobody's home...
... the elevator doesn't go all the way to the roof ...
... not the sharpest tack on the board ...
... not the brightest bulb in the chandelier ...

I think you get my point...

OK, so TODAY is Wednesday...hump day ... and regular blogging day. How many of you actually checked your calendar? Come on, you can tell me....

Well, I'm sitting on my couch, waiting for my load of laundry to dry. I think I'll take a nap as all of my cleaning is done and my place is ready for my house sitters this weekend. I think my spare bedroom is going to be painted, but I don't want to get too excited! We'll see...

For those of you interested, I actually did go in for a self-directed workout this morning. Although The Evil One did step in a few times. I did the farmer's walk with the new weights they have. It was so much better to do than those darn long bars that kept throwing me off balance. I also did the weight swing thing too (you're probably saying "huh"?!?). It doesn't really matter, but I know I worked on my core. My muscles are really sore... all good impact. It's probably a good thing I got an extra hard core workout in before venturing to Phoenix. I'm sure we'll walk, but I think that will be the extent of our working out. We'll see.

Well, time to sign off for the nap. I just wanted to let you know that I realized I lost my mind temporarily and now know which day it is!

Take care, poppits!
(a) yt xox

Countdown to Phoenix!

Happy Hump Day everyone.

I'm staring at my ceiling because I've noticed I have two lady bugs on my ceiling...not sure I'm liking that. Also wondering how they got in...not liking that question....hmmm....excuse me while I go and close my bedroom door...

OK, I'm back and have validated there are no lady bugs or other bugs in my bedroom, for those of you wondering.

I was having a good week so far. Then, as I was sitting on my practicum call this afternoon, I realized it was the anniversary of my mom's death. I managed to keep it together during the call, but almost had a breakdown during my workout today. It was a really hard workout to begin with, so that didn't help. Then The Evil One was really busting my chops today...about eating...about not coming in to work out two extra times/week...yelling "come on, Yvonne" during the workout. On top of it all, the LPS scale did NOT show the 3 lbs. weight loss my scale showed so I was hugely disappointed. Although I haven't deviated from the diet I've been on, I'm not sure The Evil One was convinced...and that bothered me too.

Anyway, to make a long, MELODRAMATIC story longer, I ended up boo-hooing like a baby as I showered. Seriously, I couldn't control the heaving sobs...yikes! Thank goodness no one else came into the dressing room! The cry helped, but I have to admit that I miss my mom. Admittedly, she's in a MUCH better spot, but I still miss her...and my dad. They had such an amazing influence over my life and I have a great deal of gratitude to them for all they did for me. Guess who's boo-hooing like a baby again?!?

Lady bug alert...one of the dames is getting quite aggressive. It seems my ceiling is not entertaining enough and she must fly around the light. Clearly, she must die...

Allrighteythen...as I mentioned, there is a discrepancy between what my scale said Monday (down 3 lbs) vs. what the evil bastard gym scale said today (no loss or gain). I'm going in to the gym tomorrow and will weigh myself again to see if it's changed. That's right, guilt trip has been successful and I will go into the gym one more time this week.

I'm looking forward to my trip to Phoenix this weekend. I hear they are experiencing "unseasonably" high temperatures...like in the low 30s...moowaahaahaa...(btw, that should sound like an evil laugh, just in case you didn't get it). I spoke to my bro, John, today and it turns out we won't have time for hiking. I'm a bit bummed, but he did promise we could go for our 8K walk every morning, so that works. I get one "cheat meal", and must remain committed to eating nothing but chicken & veggies for the weekend. Next week, I have shakes for 2 meals and chicken w/veggies for 1 meal. I know it's radical, but it's all meant to have a purpose. I'm about 12 lbs. away from my lowest weight since living in LA. That's REALLY close, so I'm motivated to live through it. I must confess, though, that it's starting to get on my nerves. I don't know if it's the whole mourning thing or what, but I almost took down a pregnant woman on the GO Train. She had the nerve to be eating a granola bar in front of me.

okokokokokokokokokokok...OK...she's pregnant, I know. She's SUPPOSED to be eating to keep her strength up, I know. She's eating for two, I KNOW dammit. That doesn't mean I have to LIKE her eating a granola bar in front of me, does it?!? Yeesh, it wasn't even one of those yummy moist granola bars. No, it was one of those dry, crumbly good-for-you-but-tastes-like-sawdust granola bars. Pathetic, isn't it?!? My life has been reduced to taking down a pregnant woman for her not-even-yummy-looking granola bar. If it means anything, I am embarrassed...well, sorta embarrassed...:)

OK poppits, 'nuff of the self-pity party. It's time to go to take out all my frustration on the evil lady bugs then hit the hay. I'll sleep well tonight knowing I've saved the world from the likes of two, killer bugs....you're welcome!

Cheers!
(a) yt xox

What's going on with ME?!?

Two weeks since my last blog?!? What is that all about?!? Seriously, it's not like I haven't had alot of great stuff going on...sheesh!

Well poppits, let me bring you up to speed on what's been going on...

As last mentioned, I was about to embark on my next adventure in eating. For 21 days, I was to eat nothing but organic chicken and organic brown rice. My intention was to do this Oct. 1 to Oct. 21st, inclusive. Then I'd put my somewhat thinner arse on a plane and head to Phoenix for a weekend of controlled decadence. Soooooo....I did eat my chicken & brown rice through Oct. 14th and lost 6 lbs. (applause, applause). Yeah for me!! I actually enjoyed being able to eat rice - seriously, it's the little things! I am quite proud of what I achieved...
1) my 6 lb. weight loss
2) regaining my self-control
3) survival through the hell that was Thanksgiving - honestly, does anyone else hear homemade butter tarts call YOUR name?!?

I was quite excited about stepping on the gym scale, seeing that weight loss...then it happened. The Evil One burst my bubble, as only he could do...

I am now living the next chapter that is the saga of my eating life. I am to eat only three meals/day of which only one of them is chicken & rice. On the positive side, I get to eat vegetables now...but no dressing. Just plain veggies and chicken...more chicken. Admittedly, I'm getting really bored with this. I know it's bad when I start fantasizing about sauces ... not chocolate, but tomato and mushroom gravy. Pathetic, isn't it?!? I went to a restaurant with a friend who ordered chicken enchiladas. I barely remember the conversation because I kept drifting off as she put the food into her mouth. Even MY imagination couldn't stretch my grilled chicken & steamed carrots into chicken enchiladas...sigh...

Now, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know better. But sometimes I get really frustrated with the situation. I'm being honest here. On the one hand, I know I am closer than I've ever been to my optimal weight and that, when there, it will be the most amazing accomplishment of my life. I know this and BELIEVE it will happen. However, there are times (seem like alot of times lately), when I'm at my wits end. There are times when I just want to give up and give in to the Mrs. Fields' cookie stand at Union Station. I hear people tell me two different perspectives:

- just give in to the craving, but when you do, eat within limits
- don't give in, ignore the craving and press on

I've tried both approaches and know myself well enough to know that when I give in to the craving, I NEVER eat within limits...remember my "cheat days"?!? It took me weeks to recover from the renewed cravings that took over my mind!

I guess it's all good learning, I suppose. At the end of the day, I will get through this. Honestly, melodrama aside, there are worse things that could happen to me. On the success front, I'm down 52 lbs. in total....WAY cool!! I'm the most active I've ever been in my life...also cool! It's all good....right?!?

OK, so now I feel better. I'm off to buy my organic chicken for this week. Thanx for listening, poppits!

Here's to a new week!
(a)yt xox

Productivity: It's not all that's it's cracked up to be

It's 4:24 and the most productive thing I've done is recharge my iPhone battery....and I'm ok with that!

I'm still fighting my cold with a sore throat that won't go away. Today we've added itchy eyes, a cough and more sniffles. I know, it's just a cold so I'll stop being such a whiner. The thing that's bothering me the most is the fatigue! I've been a couch potato today, watching videos and eating as if I were at my goal weight! So, once again, I seem to have lost all self-control. I'm trying not to get annoyed with myself, but I now realize I must do something drastic in order to regain my will power. I think I have the idea, too.

OK, so this is going to be my wackiest adventure of all. Many of you will think I'm going to an extreme and some of you will want to have me put into a rubber room in a straight jacket, but hear me out....

So, in my last workout with The Evil One, he asked me how my eating was going and, once again, I was unable to answer that I was back on track. It seems like it's the story of my life lately. He made a suggestion that I thought was...well...psychotic. At first, I fought it tooth and nail, but as I was being tortured in the workout the idea started to grow on me ... like a bad fungus ... or a ingrown toenail. So I started to ask questions, still unconvinced, but I could feel my mind opening up a bit. Now, I guess I'm in full & total acceptance of the idea since I'm about to share with you my latest dietary expedition....ready?

Drumroll, please....

Starting Oct. 1st, I will eat NOTHING BUT organic chicken and organic brown rice for 21 days. I know what you're thinking ... "she's finally lost it." ... "the lack of carbs has consumed her sanity"...I hear ya...and feel ya. But let's just take a moment to think about this....

PROS:
- it's only for 21 days
- I'm told I will shed "a TON" of weight and fat
- it's only for 21 days
- when I finish the end of this 21 days, I will have reclaimed my self-control
- really, it's only 21 days!

CONS:
- I will be clucking by the end of the 21 days
- it's THREE WEEKS, for the love of God!
- I get to eat carbs...even if it is only brown rice
- I'll become more creative in how I cook chicken

I won't get scurvy from not eating vegetables in 21 days (believe me, I checked). I just need to eat my multi-vitamins.

Doesn't this sound exciting?!? I'm thinking the timing is good because I'll have been on this for 9 days before the Thanksgiving weekend, so I'll be in my "zone" and disciplined. And it ends just before I head to Phoenix for a glorious Lebanese dinner cooked by Mona ... a great reward!

I'm kinda keen on this and, almost excited. I really do need a jump start again and I think this the way to go...challenging, but at the end of it, extremely rewarding!

Allrighteythen....on that note...until Wednesday, my poppits, eat well!! BTW, if anyone wants to join me in this adventure, feel free to let me know!!
(a) yt xox

Sniffles...a sore throat ... fatigue ... a fever...

all that equals a big, "uh-oh" for me. I'm down with a cold...dang! I'm fighting it and find myself sleeping alot, so I guess it's all good but I really hate being sick. Poor me, eh?!? So, I'll stop whining now. You may want to NOT see me in person for the next few days, if you don't want to be sick....

For some reason, I've been thinking about my dad alot lately. Sunday night I was having a series of really bad dreams ... like CSI or Criminal Minds kinda dreams...it wasn't fun. I kept waking myself up just to stop the drama that were my dreams! The last one I remember was of a memory of when I was 5 and vomited. At that age, getting sick was not fun and quite scary, so I remember crying after I'd puked outside the bathroom (that's right! Didn't even make it to the toilet - not sure who had to clean that up!!). Anyway, my dad scooped me up and brought me to the recliner where he cuddled me and sang "Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra" a la Bing Crosby. I just remembered feeling completely peaceful, safe and calm while cocooned in my dad's lap. That was the memory I finally fell asleep to Sunday night. It was a great feeling.

Yesterday, I was standing on the GO Train platform and noticed a bunch of squirrels hanging out in a tree. It was like the party tree for squirrels...they were coming and going like crazy. At one point, I counted 6 squirrels in this tree and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I saw a squirrel come away from the tree with three nuts in its mouth and I realized it wasn't the party tree but rather the food bank for squirrels! I was reminded of my dad again. I was in high school and he was into telling me corny jokes. I remember sitting at the dining room table at dinner with my mom, dad and brother, Chuck. The conversation went as follows:

Dad: Yvonne, they're looking for you.
me: Who?
Dad: The squirrels. They're gathering nuts!!

Cut to dad laughing like crazy with a twinkle in his eye...and mom smirking and looking at dad shaking her head, yet a little proud...Chuck groaning yet smiling that his dad made a funny...and me rolling my obnoxious teenage eyes feeling like "what EVER, dad"...

Interestingly enough, that memory roused by watching squirrels in a tree, triggered thoughts about three people once in my life who are now gone. I'm not sure what this means, but it's kinda peaceful for me. I'm feeling like I'm being watched and protected.

Well, except for my workout yesterday....

Clearly none of these "protectors" were with me as The Evil One was torturing me with my toughest workout ever. Yeesh! There was no mercy and it didn't stop. At one point, my heart was pounding so much I thought it was going to come out of my chest and just fall onto the sled I was pulling. I did the legs first, toggling between the leg press and this other torture machine. In between, I pulled the (insert expletive here) sled. That's when I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. THEN we went to the arms...yippee! At the end of the arms, I was doing that STUPID (more expletives) plank exercise where I had to hold myself straight balancing on my arms and toes. By the end of the plank, my whole body was shaking and I could barely lift myself up from the mat. And sweaty?!? Oie!!!

So, what's the lesson here? It's good for me and I need to do the work, so I should just SUCK IT UP!!! But at least I can whine about it, right? Thanx for letting me vent...

OK, I need to go to sleep now. I hope this makes sense. Who knows what my infected mind has been typing...

Can you say "Drama Queen" boys & girls?!?

G'night poppits! Wash those hands....
(a) yt xox

"DOH!!"

That's what I said this morning when I realized I didn't update my blog yesterday! Yes, Emmanuel sent out his blog with diligence, but did that trigger ME to update my blog?!? Nooooo....zoinks! Sorry folks....

I have lots to tell, having completed my third and final week of the Adler coaching course. It was a bitter sweet ending, come Friday. On the one hand, I was happy to be finished the course work and move into the practicum stage. On the flip side, I was bummed that I won't be in class with my Adler peeps anymore. I really enjoyed the learning - both my own self-learning as well as the learning of my peers. It's always amazing and humbling to hear of the self-discovery. Everyone's so open and honest, it's pretty cool!

We learned more coaching techniques for our "tool kit"...lots of creative stuff going on, including some improve exercises! Those who know me from my Second City days, can only imagine how much I enjoyed THESE tactics! We also did some visioning and metaphor work. It got my imagination working overtime and I had all kinds of images popping into my head! Fortunately, none of the images were violent or ugly...says the person who has "fantasies" of pushing people with Cinnabons onto the GO Train platform! I guess it's all relative...:)

ANYWAY....

I'd like to tell you about one of my "insights". There is an exercise where you "transform a metaphor" from a negative into a positive image. The image I had was one of a dog chasing it's tail. This is the image I get when I think about the two, looming deadlines approaching me...when my severance runs out and May 2010 when I climb the Inca Trail. Ever watch a dog when it's chasing it's tail? It's like they can't stop..."I'm gonna get it, I'm gonna get it"...even though it bounces off the wall from the dizziness and yelps when it actually bites the tail. You just want to say to the dog..."just stop, dough head!!!" That's how I feel sometimes when I think about these two, big goals...excited about the goal (i.e. financial success with ymt Strategies and reaching the top of The Inca Trail). However, I see myself getting dizzy and panicky ... bouncing off the walls and wanting to stop. Are ya with me or have you now flipped to checking your email?!?

So, I transformed this image into something more positive...I'm a dog, laying in it's cozy bed, eating and drinking when I'm hungry...getting a treat every once in a while...being unconditionally loved and loving unconditionally...playing in the park with other dogs, chasing balls, sniffing bums...all happy! This a much better image and instantly calms me down...well, except for the sniffing bums ...

So, I've recommitted to chillaxin' and enjoying the park! And would love your support and reminders when you see me chasing my tail. Interestingly enough, I received an email from my niece. It's about a woman who dines with an 80 year old woman who orders dessert and fattening things for lunch. When asked, the 80 year old went on about how she's old and wants to live her life to the fullest before she dies. My niece specifically sent it to me 'cuz I'm sure she was trying to tell me to "chillax and eat chocolate every once in a while!". It's a good message and one I will take to heart. Thanx Sandra for caring!!

BTW, I'm watching the Oprah Winfrey show where she's interviewing Whitney Houston. She's showing lots of images from Whitney's career and it's reminding me of the glorious 80s...the days of big hair, double shoulder pads...my, how I miss the football player look!! To this day, I still appreciate a good mullet!

Well, on that note, I'll say "buh-bye" ... see you Wednesday!
(a) yt xox

All I can say is....

!!!! HOLY FATIGUE, BATMAN !!!!

Between the class and the Film Festival...oie! I know, I know..."puh-leez princess"... OK, I'll stop whining and tell you all the good stuff going on!

Let's start with class...it's awesome! The instructor, Lydia, is way cool...she's smart, got great business experience, let's us experiment, appreciates our diversity and guides us. With her, it's all about us and I like that. She's got a good sense of humour, too, so that really helps. Most of the people in the class I know, but there are a few new people I've met. We're all pretty different but we have a common interest and passion for coaching. We're learning some new, cool techniques..more "tools" for our tool kit. It's all good and we're having alot of fun, too. It's a good group of people.

Now, let's talk TIFF...I've seen three films and every one of them were awesome! Sunday night was a German film called "Same Same but Different". It starred David Kross (from The Reader) and it was about a German guy who goes on vacation in Cambodia, meets and falls in love with a prostitute. It was really good and the performances were very strong! Monday night was a French movie called "Partir", starring a SIZZLING Kristin Scott Thomas. She was a woman in a bad marriage then has an affair with a steamy Spanish builder guy...yummy! Her hubby became obsessed with getting her back and got all crazy. It was really good and Kristin is a great actress. Tomorrow is an English romantic comedy. It should be fun! I must admit to being a bit disappointed in not seeing any of the major galas. I'm a big star gazer and miss the action of the red carpet! I suppose I should just be happy I've seen good movies and shut my pie hole!

Speaking of "pie"...did I mention that my cravings and wild ass fantasies are back...like a recent one where I was locked in a Starbucks and I ate every one of their baked goods...with latte chasers...oh my, it was wonderful. Just me and the carbs...mmm.....

Despite my cravings and obsessions, I've managed to stay on track this week. No exercising, though but I haven't been home. This weekend and next week I'm going to be on track for that. I'm slowly getting back into my groove. I'm trying to stop beating myself up for blowing it in Alaska. Really, what can I do about it now. Anyway, enough of this...time to focus on moving forward. I've got so many good things going on, so I just need to enjoy the ride.

I thought I'd end the blog with words of The Warrior...'cuz I just feel like it!

Ways of the Warrior
I am a warrior;
I create every moment of my life
My choices are my reality
My response creates my outcome
There is no can't; I choose to or choose not to
There is no try; I do or I do not do
I am true to my own heart
I speak my truth...with compassion
I keep my commitments
I approve of myself...now
I don't have to please everybody
I don't take anything personally
I understand that how others judge me is about them
I look 'em in the eye; I tell 'em who I am & if they don't like it __ 'em!

G'night poppits!
(a) yt xox

I've got stars on my mind...

Hi everyone! Well, we've had some glorious weather these past few days and I'd like to think it's to impress the stars and papparazzi whipping around our fair city this week. You see, it's that time of year again...no, not back to school (even though I do have class next week)....not fall...no, it's The Toronto International Film Festival, or "TIFF" if you're in the know!

For those of you who have known me for some time, you know that this is one of my most favourite times of the year - second only to the Christmas season. I admit that I get into the glitz and glam of all the stars (see my Facebook for pics from last year) and the good movies. I have been pretty lucky, seeing alot of really great movies and many fun stars (remind me to tell you of how I met my old boyfriend, Johnny Depp). This is my 11th year attending TIFF and I've only see a handful of really crappy movies, including one with Hugh Jackman. I don't really count that as too bad because Hugh is just good eye candy so a really bad plot can be overlooked when you're staring at his naked chest.

I bought a Globetrotter's pass again this year, which means I get to see 7 flicks in locations around the city. I went with Sandra, Joanne and Deborah Friday night to see our first film. It was GREAT! An Irish/UK film starring Cillian Murphy (from Red Eye where he was creepy), Jim Broadbent (Bridget Jones' dad & Slughorn in Harry Potter #6) and Brendan Gleeson (Mad Eye Moody in Harry Potter). It was funny, edgy, riveting with a really good plot and good acting. We all gave it a high on our rating scale! At the end of the movie, Ian (director), Cillian and Brendan (we're on a first name basis now) stayed after and did a little Q&A. It was all very nice and I was glad I got a chance to see it. Tonight, I'm off to see a German movie with David Kross, the young guy in The Reader. It looks like a romantic-ish drama. Anyway, it should be interesting!

The eating has been much better for me. Although I still have cravings, I've been able to dodge several food bullets, including resisting some yummy looking desserts at Marg's baby shower today. Oie! That was a difficult one. It was carbs central, so I ended up eating two helpings of the salad, carrots & celery with a spinach dip and cheese. Not the best of choices, but much better than the 12 desserts I wanted to inhale....or the yummy looking wraps...or the awesome looking sandwiches on croissants and foccachia...see my hell?!?

Yesterday I went to Stratford with Lorry & Dianne, in honour of Dianne's birthday. We went to Rheo Tompson...AMAZING mint smoothie chocolates ... and Rocky Mountain. Both were candy heaven for me and I wanted to eat everything in the store....I'm talkin' "EVERYTHING". I did break down and have a sampler mint smoothie and piece of fudge, but I'm proud of myself for resisting everything else I wanted to buy! It's sad, but "The Rationalizer" is back...ya know, the voice inside my head that can justify eating ANYTHING?!? Well, I don't like it. I understand I have alot of making up for the sins of the Alaskan cruise, so I must go through this torment again. Yeesh...all a good lesson. And to think that the food on the cruise wasn't really all that worth it! Now, if I was pigging out on Stone Cold Creamery ice cream everyday for 2 weeks, I'd at least be facing The Rationalizer with a smile on my face. But noooooooooooo.....

Well, tomorrow is the third and final week of class for my course. It's bitter sweet for me. On the one hand, it shows great progress towards the end of this journey. On the flip side, however, is that it will be the last classroom experience I will have at Adler. Which is a bit of a bummer 'cuz I like that environment. It just means I'm going to have to make sure I keep good tabs & in touch with the Adler peeps I've made, like Maggie, Victoria, Josie, Marc, Michael, Shauna & Svetlana.

Well poppits, it's time to sign off and get ready for TIFF. My boyfriend-but-he-doesn't-know-it-yet George Clooney is in town, so I need to pretty up!

See you Wednesday!!
(a) yt xox

Although "Consistency" isn't my middle name...

"Avoidance" certainly could be! That would be what I'm doing by typing this blog instead of doing some school reading...sigh...

It's a Wednesday...at 11:00 pm ... and I've decided to take a stand. No more random-do-it-when-I-feel-like-it posts...nuh-uh....no siree bub...not for me! My friend Emmanuel (aka Motivator Man) has committed to updating his blog every Sunday and Wednesday with his Motivator Man tips. Well, I've decided I should commit to twice/week too. So, I've chosen the same days as Emmanuel to update my blog? Why?!? Because getting the Motivator Man email will trigger me to update my blog...clever, isn't it?!? Or, maybe just lazy...WHAT-EVER!!

I'm continuing my high with life and I'm happy to report it is neither caffeine nor sugar induced. Au contraire, mes amies. I've been following my diet very well since last I typed. I still have the temptations to buy treats but have resisted. And yes, random cookie boxes and ice cream bars call my name, BUT I RESIST!!! AND, I've exercised twice this week and heading to my third LPS workout tomorrow....all's good on that front, so yeah for me!

I should mention, since I'm on the topic of "workouts", there was a really kinda cheesy guy working out today. He started by winking at me as he hopped onto the bike beside me. Then he had the NERVE to yell at me "harder, harder" as I was pulling the (insert expletive here) sled along the floor. Can you believe it?!? If I wasn't struggling to breathe and not pass out, I would've given him a dirty look. Well, at least I did in my mind anyway!! Who did he think he was?!? I took satisfaction in seeing him grunt, sweat and almost pass out as Clance guided him through his torture/workout. I'm hoping Clance worked him extra hard for minding my business...that'll teach him....heh, heh, heh...Oh my...can you say "vindictive" boys & girls?!?

My training with The Evil One has been modified. I think I mentioned that we now do all legs, then all arms (vs. one leg, one arm; another leg, another arm). This is so much harder for me. I really liked the break the legs got by going to the arm exercises. However, according to Werner, it is SUPPOSED to be harder...duh! And the "good news" is that I've reached a point of strength where I can tolerate it. Oh goodee. I know it's all good for me and my progress is positive and yada-yada...but...owee...my bum hurts....and my legs...and my arms...

OK, The Ambassador of Positivity is back....the coaching stuff is just FAB-U-LUSS!! I met a new client today who is just an absolute delight! I'm really looking forward to working with her as I think we will work well together. AND, I had my first peer coaching session with one of my Adler buddies. To be honest, I was a bit intimidated by him - he's smart and confidant and a really good coach - so I was wondering just what the heck I could do for him. Wellllllll, I'm thinkin' it's gonna be good! I decided to tell my inner critic to "shut the HECK up!!!" and approached the conversation with a curiousity (to get to know him better), excitement (about stepping up my coaching game) and a chilliaxed frame of mind! After all, he puts his pants on one leg at a time, too! Anyway, I think it's gonna be just fine for both of us, so I'm looking forward to our next session!

I'm really looking forward to my third week of class next week. It's the week where, according to the notes, "Everything gets pulled together". That'll be cool! Plus, beginning my practicum will also be good. I have our first practicum call tomorrow...after I meet with Motivator Man for coffee. We're off to the Starbucks at the BCE where we get our fill of caffeine & business suits! It's a lively location (the busiest one in Canada) and the energy is just buzzing!

Well, it's time for this one to get her beauty sleep! Don't forget to take your leap, poppits!!
(a) yt xox

Should one actually do work on Labour Day?

Or would you be violating some kind of ethical or moral code?!? I'll do anything to get out of housework....yeesh!

Hello poppits! It's been far too long. A big part of the problem is that I have not been able to connect to the internet for at least 4 days now. Oh sure, I'm doing it now, but that's because I had to go to a Rogers store, get a new modem and steal the wireless network from some poor soul who hasn't figured out there are pirates who will steal his wireless network. I'm guessing it's a male, because the network on which I ride is called...and I kid you not ... "Tits4Dinner". See why I think it's a male? Hey! I'm not hear to judge, but rather I'd like to thank Mr. Exotic Dinner Choice for not locking his internet connection.

So the week has been a bit of an up and down emotionally for me. It started with a great AFOOFA meeting where I joined up after having missed the last 2 weeks. It was just Aubrey, Duane, Joanne, Jeff & I, but the conversation was quite inspirational. I then did a Myers-Briggs coaching session with Jeff, which always gets my mojo going! Aubrey, Duane & I had lunch and those guys just know how to motivate by simply believing in you! Needless to say, I was feeling pretty darn good by the time we walked out of the Apricot Tree and I headed home.

Then it started to happen...the events that triggered self-doubt, nervousness and yes, self-pity!

I had a message from a "Nancy" from the Employment Insurance office. For those who don't know, I'm "sucking it up" and applying for EI so I can get some dough coming in. Ya know, it all goes back to my "safety net" of cash flow. Well, in speaking with the ever pleasant, Nancy, I spoke the truth...no, I had not been looking for full-time work because I was pursuing my business. Well, spank my bottom and call me "stupid" because that was just the wrong thing to do. Needless to say my application was declined. So, I have gained alot of learning about the whole EI process, which, by the way, is NOT made clear on the website. There is alot of very valuable information about the process I learned, not from the government itself, but from friends who had gone through the process - very disappointing! Anyway, I'm going to appeal my claim and I will put in an effort to find full time work. After all, if I could find a job where I'm coaching full-time, why would I turn it down?!?

So, that sent me into a bit of a tail spin....self-doubt about pursuing a career change ... fear of never making any money on this career ... resignation that I would have to go back to working full time in project delivery or marketing ... etc. etc. OK, so I'm a bit of a drama queen, but it was a struggle for me.

Then, the clouds parted and the sun came out.

I was given a free ticket to Julius Ceasar in Stratford, so I road-tripped with Tony's girlfriend Carol. It was great getting to know her better and I'm SO HAPPY she's come into Tony's life. They're awesome for each other and he certainly deserves someone so wonderful. Anyway, Carol and I hung out in the Avon Theatre Store where I saw a plaque that said "LEAP and the net will appear". It was like a gentle smack upside the head, reminding me of the importance of my leap of faith.

THEN...oh yeah, it gets better people ...

I picked up the mail and got my first cheque for ymt Strategies from the gig I did in Chatham. Yeah!

THEN I got TWO referrals for paid coaching gigs ... and THEN (can you stand it?!?)

Barb (transition coach extraordinaire - remember her from my FelixGlobal days?) contacted me and spoke to me about training with her to take on some career transition clients and, possibly, including me as an associate on her website! How cool is that?!? That's like my nirvana...being mentored by someone I respect and getting referrals from other coaches...for coaching!! It's awesome!

Sooooooo.....I've stepped away from that ledge to which I've recently been clinging and am falling gloriously to the ground. Once again, I don't know where I'll land or when I'll get there, but I know that the wonderful feeling of the air on my face as I free fall towards something great is back and I LOVE IT!!!

Join me, poppits, in this glorious state of risk-taking! Is there something you've always wanted to do but didn't know how it would turn out? Just go for it...seriously...It's an amazing feeling. And remember....

LEAP and the net will appear

TTFN!

(a) yt xoxo

Alaska IS "God's Country"!

Whether you believe in God or not, which I do, you can gaze at the natural beauty of Alaska and question the existence of a higher being. Simply put, humankind would never be able to create such wonder!

Hello poppits! I am back and still on Alaskan time, which is why I'm typing with such feverish energy at 10:34 pm!

Well, it was an AMAZING trip. I joined the other 4 travelers in Vancouver where we hung out for a day, meeting up with old friends (The Hamades). The weather was awesome and so was the company. John, Lorry, Sandra and Joanne were in great spirits, having had 4 days of fab weather and good sight seeing. They all love Vancouver...what's not to love?!?

We boarded the cruise ship Wednesday afternoon and just hung out until we left port. I got my first experience with the voluminous food that was to taunt me for the rest of the week...oie! For those of you who have never been on a cruise, lemme paint a little picture....

- imagine sections of hot food ... everywhere ... all the time ...
- imagine the food sections with various countries of origin...like Mexican...Chinese...Greek...dessert....
- imagine every kind of food you want ... then imagine a never-ending supply of said food...
- imagine this food representing all of the essential food groups...like dairy...and protein...and fruit..and dessert...

So, I indulged a little bit...ok, that is a bare-faced LIE! I indulged ALOT. Even though after every meal I said the same thing..."OMG! I can't believe I ate so much!" and rolled back to my cabin. While it was, indeed, a glorious pig trough the entire time, I did manage to get four workouts for the duration. Well, actually three really hard workouts (like sweating and hating the machine workout) and one walk around the ship workout. I stepped on the scale today (it took me two days to work up the courage) and found I was up only 2 lbs. from my last weigh in. That's miraculous, to be truthful, so I'm waiting until my "official" weigh in tomorrow. We'll see where that goes!

Before I left, I did a self-directed, (insert expletive here) sled pull and saw Roland and Werner. Roland forewarned me of the "evil buffets", but I pish-poshed at him and touted my self control. Who was I trying to kid?!? So confidant was I in my ability to resist the evil buffets, that I committed to The Evil One that I would be down 5 lbs. by the time I returned. Seriously...am I brain dead?!? What was I thinking?!? So, basically, I have ... um ... two days now ... to purge myself of 7 lbs. Any suggestions on how to do that, without causing myself to go into shock or murder mode?!? Sigh....I can only imagine the next step....

I'm looking forward to this month, though. I have my third and final week of the Adler course work this month and my practicum starts. Yeah! I'm a little nervous about getting clients for the practicum, so if anyone's interested in career coaching, executive coaching, management coaching or life coaching, give me a call! My rate is real cheap. so get me early!!!

OK...end of shameless plug...

Well poppits, although I enjoyed my trip I must admit that it's good to be home. Believe it or not, I enjoyed my last 2 days of non-gourging. It was nice not to want to visit a vomitorium after every meal!

I hope you are all well. Thanx for sticking with me!

BTW, if you want to see pics of my Alaska trip, feel free to go on to Facebook and check 'em out.
Cheers!
(a)yt xox

He's baaaaack!!

Well, the universe is right again. The heat alert in Toronto is gone...as is the smog alert. And Werner is back to being his Holy Crankiness. Oh sure, he's all kind & compassionate and everything, but he's back to riding my ass...bless his wee little heart.

It's been a very busy 5 days, poppits, so I'll only give you the highlights....

I'm typing quickly because I'm waiting for the cab that will take me to the airport for the beginning of my Alaskan cruise. Yippee!! I've had a little drama in anticipation for the trip...like for two days I thought I'd lost my passport. Needless to say there was alot of angst, tears and profanity. Thankfully, I found it and I am good to go. Also, had a few moments while packing, but I managed to cram (& I mean, "CRAM") my clothes into the smaller suitcase. Most things are dispensable which means I will have room for souvenirs. For the record, I feel that I may be taking this whole "purging" things a little too seriously. I mean, dispensable jeans?!?

I scratched some more things off my imaginary "to do" list, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. My home is in reasonable order now, including my schwanky, new sofabed in my spare bedroom. I just have a few, little piles of stuff to shred and deal with so coming home will be really nice!

So, at the expense of my Journey to Good Health, most other things are in order. It's true that I've been focused in some areas of this journey (like I'm still exercising regularly), other parts are pretty friggin' lame....like my eating habits. So, The Evil One can sense this...or perhaps it was the smell of the M&M I ate....whatever. Anyway, yesterday he made me get on that damn scale again and said my weight out loud, which he knows I hate...bastard! OK, so he whispered it, but still he said it! So, he made me make a commitment. While I tried "I'll exercise as often as I can" and "I'll only take little niblets of everything", he didn't buy it. So, I committed myself to being down 5 lbs. by the time I weigh in with him in 2 weeks. What was I thinking?!? How will this impact me?!? I had to sacrifice real clothes so that work out clothes could make the cut. In addition, I will have to forgo the midnight buffet and, most likely the dessert buffet. Oie! I keep telling myself "it's only food", but it hasn't quite registered yet. I've been debating about telling the people I'm traveling with. Most of them will be sympathetic to me, but sister Lorry will be merciless. She's got this whole "honesty & accountability" thing...yeesh! All she has to do is ask "would Werner be ok if he saw you eating that?" and I'm toast...sigh....I guess I'm gonna have to tell them. I'm thinkin' that telling them and being policed is lesser pain than having to face The Evil One if I haven't lost any weight.

Well, it's time to pack up the laptop and get ready for the cab. It's not likely that I'll be typin' at 'cha until after the cruise so have a good few weeks my friends!!
(a) yt xox

SURPRISE!!!

I know, it's only 2 days since my last entry...I know, it's shocking isn't it?!? Well, I'm feeling a little better so I thought I'd write about it.

First of all, my ass hurts...which is a good thing! It means that The Evil One is back to being his 'ole "not-feeling-sorry-for-you-and-you're-gonna-work-'til-ya-die" self again! Yippee!!

Yesterday, the first thing he did was pull out the "contract" I signed and asked "How many times have you been in to work out on your own in the last two weeks, Yvonne?" He knew...and I knew he knew....but he made me say it anyway...which was just once. That's when he flipped to the back of my folder and pointed to the page I signed committing myself to working out at LPS 2x/week in addition to my guided workout. DOH! Even though I told him I was still working out at home, he didn't care. His response..."it's all about the accountability, Yvonne." The evil, beautiful bastard I've come to love and hate is back...I'm so happy! And boy oh boy, did he work me yesterday..oie! I did many lunges, squats and bench presses. At one point, he made me do squats and I asked him why I had to do them. I mean, I had just done lunges, what's the dealio? Apparently, he was concerned about my "form". I'm guessing it was because I was bobbin' & weavin' like I'd had a few too many as I was doing the lunges. He was squatting beside me watching & counting & at one point I was close to toppling over right onto him. I mean, what's he doing squatting that close to me anyway? Yeesh!

ANYWAY, it turns out my "squat form" leaves much to be desired. Yes people, it's possible to suck at squats! According to Werner, I need to "open up my hips", whatever that means. Quite frankly, given the spread of my hips I would've thought they were plenty open. Soooo, I'm off to do my own self-directed work out tomorrow and dammit it if I'm not watching what I eat now. I'm sure Evil One's next move will be to make me stand on that friggin' scale again...sigh...

I met with my coaching buddies Monday night. Can I just say how wonderful it was to see them all again? We had some GREAT discussion around the moral/ethical side of coaching, which was our group assignment. It was so good to hear the diverse opinions. They really are a great group of people - smart, caring, compassionate and pretty darn fun! I'm diggin' this stuff.

I've been able to check off some things from my "to do" list. For those of you who know me, the fact that I even have a "to do" list is quite an accomplishment! I'm feeling quite motivated and am getting lots of ymt Strategies opportunities going, in addition to putting plans into place for the community event for ACP International. It's all so good!

Yesterday, I met with an old acquaintance from CIBC. Her name is Katy and she went through the Royal Roads Executive Coaching program. We met to compare the two programs, but got to talking about how we can help each other out. Having been in Learning & Development at CIBC for over 10 years, Katy is certified to do so many amazing programs...and she likes facilitating courses. So, we were talking about how we can help each other out and increase our business opportunities. Once again, I'm really psyched about the possibilities that can be ymt Strategies!

With less than one week to go before heading out on my Alaskan cruise, things are coming together quite nicely. I'm cleaning my condo one room at a time, leaving the spare bedroom clean up for Friday when niece, Jennifer, comes over to help me declutter and do my Value Village dumps. It's all good, people....

Remember how I told you The Evil One went to Squamash two weeks ago? Well he gave me a card that has some words of inspiration on them. I quite liked them and thought I would share them with you. The program was called "The Warrior".

Ways of the Warrior
I am a warrior:
I create every moment of my life
My choices are my reality
My response creates my outcome
There is no "can't", I choose to or choose not to
There is no "try"; I do or I do not do
I am true to my own heart
I speak my truth...with compassion
I keep my commitments
I approve of myself... now
I don't have to please everybody
I don't take anything personally
I understand that how others judge me is about them
I look 'em in the eye; I tell 'em who I am & if they don't like it,_'em!

Waddaya think?!?

Take care!
(a) yt xox