If I hear another voice in my head...

...does that mean I'm going crazy?!? Or is it crazy if I start to salivate when watching a KFC advertisement for their "boneless, skinless chicken fillets" and really believe that life tastes better with KFC? These are questions on my mind tonight.

Well, I can forgo the burning question about KFC fillets and how it makes life taste. However, the issue about another voice in my head is worth discussing, don't you think? So, here's the deal...I have another voice I will call "The Rationalizer". Why? Because it makes me think about doing things I wouldn't normally do by justifying the behaviour in an insane way. "Normal" being when I'm full of good food and not craving chocolate or olive bread or baby-back ribs. Here's how he works...and he's definitely a "he". I mean only a man can make me think about doing things I wouldn't normally do, right?!? But I digress...

So, The Rationalizer has really been acting in full force lately and I'm getting annoyed. He tells me things like...peanut butter mixed with organic rice is, indeed, healthy... and ... Ritz crackers with cheese have no calories because they are eaten on a plane ... and ... consuming significant amounts of Middle Eastern food is just fine because everyone knows Lebanese food is healthy, even if you eat five helpings of it.

See what I mean?!? Is it just me or does anyone else have "The Rationalizer" in their head? I'm guessing this is the same "guy" that has told me it's ok to steal the Cinnabon from a teenager because I'd be saving her from the torment of her bitchy girlfriends. Fortunately, I don't act on most of the "tips" provided by The Rationalizer (OK, I didn't have FIVE helpings of the Lebanese food, so there Rationalizer!).

So, I spent the weekend in Phoenix, which is why I didn't type in the blog. It was a great time. The weather was AWESOME...sunny and in the high 20s. My bro hosted a party for which Mona cooked. Mona is 1/2 of "Mona & Joe Hamade", a Lebanese couple who live in Vancouver and who have met all of us who lived in Vancouver at one point. They also visited our family in Ontario, so we know them well. ANYWHO, Mona is an AMAZING Lebanese cook and, literally, cooked for days in prep for the party Saturday night. I helped in a SMALL way...mostly taste-testing! It was a great party and everyone enjoyed meeting Mona & Joe, so all was a good time.

I did, however, let loose from a food perspective. Going into the weekend, I was down 9 lbs. over the course of three weeks. Of course, that's because I was eating NOTHING BUT chicken, rice and veggies. Let's just say I ate more than chicken over the weekend. As a result I gained back 3 lbs. when I weighed in Tuesday morning...sigh...

Coincidentally, I had a workout with The Evil One Tuesday and stepped onto the scale at the gym. That one showed me up 2.5 lbs. Needless to say I got a gentle, verbal bitch slap from he-who-must-not-be-named. He was trying to do a combo "why do you keep falling off the wagon" with "I really believe in you". Needless to say, I acted appropriately by starting to boo hoo a little...not sure where the tears came from but let's just say it's time for me to pull out Steal Magnolias to get rid of this emotion. Anyway, I'm back to a strict diet again (just chicken & veggies) with 2 shakes a day. To be truthful, I was looking forward to coming back and having some discipline again.

I bought some protein powder that The Evil One suggested. He forewarned me that it tasted "like ass" (his words, not mine). "Ass" wouldn't be the word I'd choose, given that I've never indulged in said delicacy. However, it does taste crappy. It's like I'm eating really chopped up grass with a hint of strawberry. And what's really exciting is that I'm going to be drinking this ... um ... yummyness ... for two meals every day. I'm guessing it will be for a long while. The good news is that I will most likely lose a great deal of weight, which I am happy about.

I know what you're thinking, poppits..."it's too drastic"..."she won't sustain it"...'she's going to push someone from a building"...I hear ya. And don't think I'm not feeling the same angst. BUT, I am excited about seeing a picture of me at my optimal weight...climbing The Inca Trail weighing 50 lbs. less...highly energetic...feeling damn good ... and looking smokin' HOT!! Are ya with me?!?

So, I suffer for the cause, keeping the goal in mind - looking good naked! Oh wait, that's Werner's goal. OK, MY goal is optimal weight, good health and overall general hotness!

What are your goals, poppits?!?
(a) yt xox

um...hello?!? Anybody home?!?

What's the expression...
... the lights are on but nobody's home...
... the elevator doesn't go all the way to the roof ...
... not the sharpest tack on the board ...
... not the brightest bulb in the chandelier ...

I think you get my point...

OK, so TODAY is Wednesday...hump day ... and regular blogging day. How many of you actually checked your calendar? Come on, you can tell me....

Well, I'm sitting on my couch, waiting for my load of laundry to dry. I think I'll take a nap as all of my cleaning is done and my place is ready for my house sitters this weekend. I think my spare bedroom is going to be painted, but I don't want to get too excited! We'll see...

For those of you interested, I actually did go in for a self-directed workout this morning. Although The Evil One did step in a few times. I did the farmer's walk with the new weights they have. It was so much better to do than those darn long bars that kept throwing me off balance. I also did the weight swing thing too (you're probably saying "huh"?!?). It doesn't really matter, but I know I worked on my core. My muscles are really sore... all good impact. It's probably a good thing I got an extra hard core workout in before venturing to Phoenix. I'm sure we'll walk, but I think that will be the extent of our working out. We'll see.

Well, time to sign off for the nap. I just wanted to let you know that I realized I lost my mind temporarily and now know which day it is!

Take care, poppits!
(a) yt xox

Countdown to Phoenix!

Happy Hump Day everyone.

I'm staring at my ceiling because I've noticed I have two lady bugs on my ceiling...not sure I'm liking that. Also wondering how they got in...not liking that question....hmmm....excuse me while I go and close my bedroom door...

OK, I'm back and have validated there are no lady bugs or other bugs in my bedroom, for those of you wondering.

I was having a good week so far. Then, as I was sitting on my practicum call this afternoon, I realized it was the anniversary of my mom's death. I managed to keep it together during the call, but almost had a breakdown during my workout today. It was a really hard workout to begin with, so that didn't help. Then The Evil One was really busting my chops today...about eating...about not coming in to work out two extra times/week...yelling "come on, Yvonne" during the workout. On top of it all, the LPS scale did NOT show the 3 lbs. weight loss my scale showed so I was hugely disappointed. Although I haven't deviated from the diet I've been on, I'm not sure The Evil One was convinced...and that bothered me too.

Anyway, to make a long, MELODRAMATIC story longer, I ended up boo-hooing like a baby as I showered. Seriously, I couldn't control the heaving sobs...yikes! Thank goodness no one else came into the dressing room! The cry helped, but I have to admit that I miss my mom. Admittedly, she's in a MUCH better spot, but I still miss her...and my dad. They had such an amazing influence over my life and I have a great deal of gratitude to them for all they did for me. Guess who's boo-hooing like a baby again?!?

Lady bug alert...one of the dames is getting quite aggressive. It seems my ceiling is not entertaining enough and she must fly around the light. Clearly, she must die...

Allrighteythen...as I mentioned, there is a discrepancy between what my scale said Monday (down 3 lbs) vs. what the evil bastard gym scale said today (no loss or gain). I'm going in to the gym tomorrow and will weigh myself again to see if it's changed. That's right, guilt trip has been successful and I will go into the gym one more time this week.

I'm looking forward to my trip to Phoenix this weekend. I hear they are experiencing "unseasonably" high temperatures...like in the low 30s...moowaahaahaa...(btw, that should sound like an evil laugh, just in case you didn't get it). I spoke to my bro, John, today and it turns out we won't have time for hiking. I'm a bit bummed, but he did promise we could go for our 8K walk every morning, so that works. I get one "cheat meal", and must remain committed to eating nothing but chicken & veggies for the weekend. Next week, I have shakes for 2 meals and chicken w/veggies for 1 meal. I know it's radical, but it's all meant to have a purpose. I'm about 12 lbs. away from my lowest weight since living in LA. That's REALLY close, so I'm motivated to live through it. I must confess, though, that it's starting to get on my nerves. I don't know if it's the whole mourning thing or what, but I almost took down a pregnant woman on the GO Train. She had the nerve to be eating a granola bar in front of me.

okokokokokokokokokokok...OK...she's pregnant, I know. She's SUPPOSED to be eating to keep her strength up, I know. She's eating for two, I KNOW dammit. That doesn't mean I have to LIKE her eating a granola bar in front of me, does it?!? Yeesh, it wasn't even one of those yummy moist granola bars. No, it was one of those dry, crumbly good-for-you-but-tastes-like-sawdust granola bars. Pathetic, isn't it?!? My life has been reduced to taking down a pregnant woman for her not-even-yummy-looking granola bar. If it means anything, I am embarrassed...well, sorta embarrassed...:)

OK poppits, 'nuff of the self-pity party. It's time to go to take out all my frustration on the evil lady bugs then hit the hay. I'll sleep well tonight knowing I've saved the world from the likes of two, killer bugs....you're welcome!

Cheers!
(a) yt xox

What's going on with ME?!?

Two weeks since my last blog?!? What is that all about?!? Seriously, it's not like I haven't had alot of great stuff going on...sheesh!

Well poppits, let me bring you up to speed on what's been going on...

As last mentioned, I was about to embark on my next adventure in eating. For 21 days, I was to eat nothing but organic chicken and organic brown rice. My intention was to do this Oct. 1 to Oct. 21st, inclusive. Then I'd put my somewhat thinner arse on a plane and head to Phoenix for a weekend of controlled decadence. Soooooo....I did eat my chicken & brown rice through Oct. 14th and lost 6 lbs. (applause, applause). Yeah for me!! I actually enjoyed being able to eat rice - seriously, it's the little things! I am quite proud of what I achieved...
1) my 6 lb. weight loss
2) regaining my self-control
3) survival through the hell that was Thanksgiving - honestly, does anyone else hear homemade butter tarts call YOUR name?!?

I was quite excited about stepping on the gym scale, seeing that weight loss...then it happened. The Evil One burst my bubble, as only he could do...

I am now living the next chapter that is the saga of my eating life. I am to eat only three meals/day of which only one of them is chicken & rice. On the positive side, I get to eat vegetables now...but no dressing. Just plain veggies and chicken...more chicken. Admittedly, I'm getting really bored with this. I know it's bad when I start fantasizing about sauces ... not chocolate, but tomato and mushroom gravy. Pathetic, isn't it?!? I went to a restaurant with a friend who ordered chicken enchiladas. I barely remember the conversation because I kept drifting off as she put the food into her mouth. Even MY imagination couldn't stretch my grilled chicken & steamed carrots into chicken enchiladas...sigh...

Now, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know better. But sometimes I get really frustrated with the situation. I'm being honest here. On the one hand, I know I am closer than I've ever been to my optimal weight and that, when there, it will be the most amazing accomplishment of my life. I know this and BELIEVE it will happen. However, there are times (seem like alot of times lately), when I'm at my wits end. There are times when I just want to give up and give in to the Mrs. Fields' cookie stand at Union Station. I hear people tell me two different perspectives:

- just give in to the craving, but when you do, eat within limits
- don't give in, ignore the craving and press on

I've tried both approaches and know myself well enough to know that when I give in to the craving, I NEVER eat within limits...remember my "cheat days"?!? It took me weeks to recover from the renewed cravings that took over my mind!

I guess it's all good learning, I suppose. At the end of the day, I will get through this. Honestly, melodrama aside, there are worse things that could happen to me. On the success front, I'm down 52 lbs. in total....WAY cool!! I'm the most active I've ever been in my life...also cool! It's all good....right?!?

OK, so now I feel better. I'm off to buy my organic chicken for this week. Thanx for listening, poppits!

Here's to a new week!
(a)yt xox