Happy Hump Day, poppits! It's been a while since I've updated you on the saga that is my Journey to Good Health, so here we go!
I've been trying to maintain my routine of the 8-hour eating window, with no grains, sugar and dairy. For the most part, it's been a pretty good haul. There are days, however, when all logic gets tossed aside and I find myself in Organic Planet buying Kale Chips, the Awesome Almond mix and some of their yummy baked goods. Usually these things don't make the drive home before I've inhaled them, so all of those calories are consumed within a 15 minute drive...leaving me feeling full and like a failure!
I TRY to stay away from there, believe me, but it's like my car is on auto pilot and my feet just move themselves through the store. All the while, there is a running commentary in my head, outlining all the logical reasons why I should put down the Power Cookies and walk away before anyone gets hurt. I've even had visions of myself throwing my hand-carried basket of treats at the innocent, smiley cashier while running out of the store yelling "YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!"
But that never seems to happen and I buy the food, snarf it down and begin the routine of self-loathing. sigh...
So, in my self-loathing mood, I went to a workout last Tuesday (17th). I put on 4 lbs., after having lost 6 lbs. the week before. Well, The Evil One had had enough and threatened to fire me as a client! He said he had fired clients before when the effort they put into their workout wasn't supported by the effort they put into their eating. He didn't want to waste his time. When I realized he was serious, I thought...
"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!"
What would I do without "The Evil One"?!? My rock? My support? My reality check? The thought was not pleasant as Werner has come to mean a great deal to me, beyond just the training. I consider him a friend and someone to whom I will always be loyal.
Needless to say that was a good wake up call. When I weighed in this week, I was down 4 lbs., so the scale is going in the right direction. I'm back to feeling calmer about my approach to food and I kick my own butt at my gym, so all's good on the exercise front.
In retrospect, I think Werner was just trying to shake me up - well done to him! Having said that, I think he also reached his point of maximum frustration with me. All he saw was someone who had worked hard for over a year to lose 85 lbs. and exercise her way through The Andes, who was now becoming complacent and uncommitted. Honestly, I can't blame him for questioning me and I thank him for that "brick wall moment".
I just want to know...
What happened to my passion?
What happened to my commitment to me?
What happened to my buns 'o' steal?!?
I want all of that back, dammit, especially the buns of steal! So, I remind myself of my "golden rules" for my Journey to Good Health...
1) One meal at a time - don't throw the day away if I mess up on one meal. Keep focused on every meal!
2) Keep the goals simple and achievable - 8 hour window; no grains, sugar or dairy; exercise HARD at least 3x/week; LOOK GOOD NAKED!
3) Celebrate my success - I'm still the smallest size I've ever been as an adult; I feel great; I've come a long way and I REFUSE to turn back!
4) "Reality check" myself to keep perspective - it didn't take me a week to put the weight on so why should I expect to lose it in a week?; I won't starve or die if I don't have bread. Honestly, it's just bread!; Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure run rampant on both sides of my family. Is that ice cream really worth the risk?!?
5) Share the journey - people want to help and have good suggestions for keeping me focused; everyone has their own personal challenges. Me blogging about my challenges just helps to remind people they aren't alone!
Well poppits, it's time to go to bed. Thanx, again, for listening to my story! I will leave you with one question...
What are your "golden rules"?
G'night!
(a)yt xox
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sticking to the "real" me
Heidi ho, poppits!
I've had this blog running through my head since Friday, so I think I'll just get right to it, if you don't mind...
I began my day Friday with a knock 'em down, drag 'em out fight. Not an actual fist fight, although at one point I imagined I was inflicting physical pain. I was part of a verbal sparring match that left my heart bruised and my head exhausted. Lemme give you some background...
As you know, I've been working on contract in Mississauga. Besides myself and my friend, Aubrey, there is another woman on the team. She is smart, funny and has gained alot of technical and data knowledge in a short period of time. I appreciate and value what she brings to the table. On occasion, I let her know what I think of her work.
For the past week-ish, I've been butting heads with this woman, quite often receiving comments that were confrontational and bordering disrespectful. It's been challenging for me, to say the least. People who know me well would say I am "challenged" because I have this crazy need to have everyone like me. Add to it my incredible discomfort with confrontation and you've got a storm brewing. Can you see where this is going?!?
Friday things came to a head. We were in a team meeting and we ended up having a fight. Clearly things had been building up for this woman and she let me have it all. What was really weird for me, however, was my reaction. As I heard her say things like...
"I don't need your patronizing compliments. I don't care what you think." and...
"Every time you ask me a question I feel like you're challenging me. You don't have the right to challenge me." And...
"I don't report to you. I don't have to explain myself" ... And...
"You don't add any value to this process"...
OIE!! As she was going on and on and ON, I was having this discussion in my head. I was balancing an urge to lash out with my words and hurt her like she was hurting me against my desire to remain true to my commitment to be respectful in all conversations, leaving the person with their dignity and self-respect. This position has taken ALOT of work on my part to achieve and, on that Friday morning, I was having my own internal battle over my response. It was a very surreal experience, truth be told.
What happened? Well, I resisted my urge to use profanity and to verbally rip her to shreds. I did, however, defend myself and mentioned that I refuse to change who I was because she couldn't handle it. OF course, I used more words than that, but that was the gist of the message I gave her.
After we each took a break, we regrouped. She said she was feeling very frustrated because she had been doing all kinds of work and the project was not moving forward. She said she had taken her frustration out on me and asked for my forgiveness. WOW!! At that point, it didn't matter what she said before, I knew the REAL reason for her lashing out. It wasn't really about me. It was about HER frustration. And, btw, how amazing was she to be able to admit that to me AND to ask for my forgiveness?!? I sure learned a lesson in humility on that day. Oh, and I like her even more now.
So, what are my takeaways from this encounter?
* First of all, even during the toughest of times, staying true to who you are feels AMAZING!
* It's not always about me. I know...shocking! OK, so maybe there really were things I've done that have pissed her off. I get that. But at the end of the day, what she acknowledged was that it wasn't about me. ooh...maybe she likes me now ...
* At Adler, they teach you to listen to the words behind the words - understand what's going on under the surface. With this woman, there was more to it than just my behaviors. If I'd had my coaching cap on, would I have been able to sense the deeper frustration? Would I have been able to hear phrases or words that indicated something else was going on? Perhaps, but in this particular case it didn't matter. She was a big enough person to admit to the frustration and how cool is that?
I wanted to blog about this event because it really shook me up. The ranting of this person and the horrible words she chose reminded me of a few of my old bosses. It took me back to times I thought I'd forgotten and vowed I would never repeat. I promised myself I would never allow someone to bully or abuse me in the workplace again, and this felt like both. What made me proud was that I stood up for myself and I said I would not change who I was because she was uncomfortable with me. AND, I believe I did it in a respectful way. That felt great!
Poppits, remember the amazing things about yourself and never, ever, EVER let anyone make you question them.
Stay true, be proud and ROCK ON!!
Signing off with a mirror pointed at you. Check out the SUPERCOOLHAPPYLOVETHING staring back at 'cha! Ooh mama....smokin'....
(a)yt xox
I've had this blog running through my head since Friday, so I think I'll just get right to it, if you don't mind...
I began my day Friday with a knock 'em down, drag 'em out fight. Not an actual fist fight, although at one point I imagined I was inflicting physical pain. I was part of a verbal sparring match that left my heart bruised and my head exhausted. Lemme give you some background...
As you know, I've been working on contract in Mississauga. Besides myself and my friend, Aubrey, there is another woman on the team. She is smart, funny and has gained alot of technical and data knowledge in a short period of time. I appreciate and value what she brings to the table. On occasion, I let her know what I think of her work.
For the past week-ish, I've been butting heads with this woman, quite often receiving comments that were confrontational and bordering disrespectful. It's been challenging for me, to say the least. People who know me well would say I am "challenged" because I have this crazy need to have everyone like me. Add to it my incredible discomfort with confrontation and you've got a storm brewing. Can you see where this is going?!?
Friday things came to a head. We were in a team meeting and we ended up having a fight. Clearly things had been building up for this woman and she let me have it all. What was really weird for me, however, was my reaction. As I heard her say things like...
"I don't need your patronizing compliments. I don't care what you think." and...
"Every time you ask me a question I feel like you're challenging me. You don't have the right to challenge me." And...
"I don't report to you. I don't have to explain myself" ... And...
"You don't add any value to this process"...
OIE!! As she was going on and on and ON, I was having this discussion in my head. I was balancing an urge to lash out with my words and hurt her like she was hurting me against my desire to remain true to my commitment to be respectful in all conversations, leaving the person with their dignity and self-respect. This position has taken ALOT of work on my part to achieve and, on that Friday morning, I was having my own internal battle over my response. It was a very surreal experience, truth be told.
What happened? Well, I resisted my urge to use profanity and to verbally rip her to shreds. I did, however, defend myself and mentioned that I refuse to change who I was because she couldn't handle it. OF course, I used more words than that, but that was the gist of the message I gave her.
After we each took a break, we regrouped. She said she was feeling very frustrated because she had been doing all kinds of work and the project was not moving forward. She said she had taken her frustration out on me and asked for my forgiveness. WOW!! At that point, it didn't matter what she said before, I knew the REAL reason for her lashing out. It wasn't really about me. It was about HER frustration. And, btw, how amazing was she to be able to admit that to me AND to ask for my forgiveness?!? I sure learned a lesson in humility on that day. Oh, and I like her even more now.
So, what are my takeaways from this encounter?
* First of all, even during the toughest of times, staying true to who you are feels AMAZING!
* It's not always about me. I know...shocking! OK, so maybe there really were things I've done that have pissed her off. I get that. But at the end of the day, what she acknowledged was that it wasn't about me. ooh...maybe she likes me now ...
* At Adler, they teach you to listen to the words behind the words - understand what's going on under the surface. With this woman, there was more to it than just my behaviors. If I'd had my coaching cap on, would I have been able to sense the deeper frustration? Would I have been able to hear phrases or words that indicated something else was going on? Perhaps, but in this particular case it didn't matter. She was a big enough person to admit to the frustration and how cool is that?
I wanted to blog about this event because it really shook me up. The ranting of this person and the horrible words she chose reminded me of a few of my old bosses. It took me back to times I thought I'd forgotten and vowed I would never repeat. I promised myself I would never allow someone to bully or abuse me in the workplace again, and this felt like both. What made me proud was that I stood up for myself and I said I would not change who I was because she was uncomfortable with me. AND, I believe I did it in a respectful way. That felt great!
Poppits, remember the amazing things about yourself and never, ever, EVER let anyone make you question them.
Stay true, be proud and ROCK ON!!
Signing off with a mirror pointed at you. Check out the SUPERCOOLHAPPYLOVETHING staring back at 'cha! Ooh mama....smokin'....
(a)yt xox
Monday, August 9, 2010
"Moments of Joy"
Isn't that a great term?!?
Heidi ho, poppits and Happy Monday to you!
I am coming off of a FAB-U-LUSS weekend where I attended a Coaching Skills "Boot Camp" by "kick-ass" coach Dorothy Greenaway. She rocked and the weekend was AWESOME! As to be expected after spending a weekend with eight other coaches, I came away with some great self-awareness and learning. I also came away feeling better about my coaching skills and excited about the coaching conversation again. I was reminded of how much I really like listening and being curious.
As you know, 'cuz I mention it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, I've been really trying to get my "mojo" back around losing weight and exercising. Whenever The Evil One asks me the question "but WHY can't you control your eating?", I never seem to have an answer for him. That has been a never-ending source of frustration for me. I've narrowed down when I eat (happy, sad, bored, not bored, hungry, not hungry, yada-yada), but haven't figured out the WHY behind it. This is the question I took with me to solve over this past weekend.
Was I able to "dig deep" and have a magical "a-ha" moment to answer the elusive "why"? Um, not so much, really. BUT I was able to remind myself of the "greatness" I wanted to achieve. That "greatness" being my crazy, impassioned desire to help people tap into their strengths and realize all they can be. By writing this blog, for example, my hope is that people will see the simple message I bring...if I can do it, ANYONE can do it. "It" being whatever huge obstacle they need to move.
Let's face it, people, my struggles are not the prettiest or easiest to have to witness and I thank you for sticking by me. But I've done what I set out to do - climb The Inca Trail. This weekend I realized that I really CAN do whatever the heck I want to do. I just need to get over myself! Have I seen any results? Well, I'm back to eating within my 8-hour window and have seen a serious reduction in carb & sugar intake. I'm back to feeling good about what goes into my mouth and that makes me happy!
One of the things we did was The Canopy Walk over The Haliburton Forest. Let me quote you from the website the description of The Canopy Walk...
"The canopy boardwalk is the ultimate highlight of this outing. Over half a kilometer long - and as such the longest of its kind in the world - the canopy boardwalk winds through the treetops some 10-20 meters above the forest floor. A platform suspended from the treetops above, becomes the gathering place where you can enjoy a leisurely snack while your guide elaborates on the forest environment surrounding you. A spectacular view across the lakes and forests becomes a fitting closure to your tree top tour."
Sounds lovely, doesn't it?!? What they DON'T tell you is that the "platform suspended from the treetops above" bobs & weaves like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship from his shore leave!
Throughout the "ultimate highlight" that was The Canopy Walk, I found myself hugging trees as I hooked the clasps of my safety harness from one set of ropes to another; moving forward faster in a panicked state as my two partners progressed more confidently in the walk and I pulled up the rear; laughing hysterically (and I mean tears flowing, gut wrenching, face aching hysterical laughing) as I almost missed the GIANT first step that transitioned one suspended platform onto another; and tripping TWICE because my foot got caught on the rope at the side of wooden planks that was my boardwalk. Folks, I'm here to tell you I was FREAKED OUT!! The point of the walk was to get the "meta view" of the forest and to align that view with a coach's objective to always hold our client's meta goal in site for them. It's a lofty objective and one that Dorothy meant well in setting for us. But, all I know is that, for me, I couldn't see the forest because of all the fear I faced. Admittedly, I was able to feel better about my skills in transferring the safety clasps from one platform to another, but everytime I tried to look down and see the forest below, I felt a wave of nausea that caused me to grip the side ropes harder and make me walk a little faster to get the end!
Facing fear is a good thing, especially when you've got safety harnesses to back you up. However, you don't realize that until AFTER you've faced & conquered the fear. What's up with that?!? Too bad all fears didn't have crystal balls into which we could see us conquering whatever the fear was we faced. But then again, what fun would that be?!?
I'll wrap things up, but before I do, I want to share a tidbit from a coaching conversation I had with one of The Inca Chicks. She's the one who coined the phrase "Moments of Joy". During our conversation, she remembered being at Dead Woman's Pass (the highest point of our journey on The Inca Trail) feeling complete joy every time one of our team members arrived at the top of the Pass. Knowing how difficult the journey was, made her joyous EVERY TIME one of our team members reached the top. She said she decided to retire on top of that mountain because she wanted to find more "moments of joy" like the ones she experienced at Dead Woman's Pass. WOW!!
So tell me, poppits...What constitutes a "moment of joy" for you? And how often do you have them in a day?
Hmmmm.....
NOW tell me... what are you going to do to get more moments of joy in your life?!?
Wishing you "kick-ass" conversations and MANY moments of joy!
(a)yt xox
Heidi ho, poppits and Happy Monday to you!
I am coming off of a FAB-U-LUSS weekend where I attended a Coaching Skills "Boot Camp" by "kick-ass" coach Dorothy Greenaway. She rocked and the weekend was AWESOME! As to be expected after spending a weekend with eight other coaches, I came away with some great self-awareness and learning. I also came away feeling better about my coaching skills and excited about the coaching conversation again. I was reminded of how much I really like listening and being curious.
As you know, 'cuz I mention it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, I've been really trying to get my "mojo" back around losing weight and exercising. Whenever The Evil One asks me the question "but WHY can't you control your eating?", I never seem to have an answer for him. That has been a never-ending source of frustration for me. I've narrowed down when I eat (happy, sad, bored, not bored, hungry, not hungry, yada-yada), but haven't figured out the WHY behind it. This is the question I took with me to solve over this past weekend.
Was I able to "dig deep" and have a magical "a-ha" moment to answer the elusive "why"? Um, not so much, really. BUT I was able to remind myself of the "greatness" I wanted to achieve. That "greatness" being my crazy, impassioned desire to help people tap into their strengths and realize all they can be. By writing this blog, for example, my hope is that people will see the simple message I bring...if I can do it, ANYONE can do it. "It" being whatever huge obstacle they need to move.
Let's face it, people, my struggles are not the prettiest or easiest to have to witness and I thank you for sticking by me. But I've done what I set out to do - climb The Inca Trail. This weekend I realized that I really CAN do whatever the heck I want to do. I just need to get over myself! Have I seen any results? Well, I'm back to eating within my 8-hour window and have seen a serious reduction in carb & sugar intake. I'm back to feeling good about what goes into my mouth and that makes me happy!
One of the things we did was The Canopy Walk over The Haliburton Forest. Let me quote you from the website the description of The Canopy Walk...
"The canopy boardwalk is the ultimate highlight of this outing. Over half a kilometer long - and as such the longest of its kind in the world - the canopy boardwalk winds through the treetops some 10-20 meters above the forest floor. A platform suspended from the treetops above, becomes the gathering place where you can enjoy a leisurely snack while your guide elaborates on the forest environment surrounding you. A spectacular view across the lakes and forests becomes a fitting closure to your tree top tour."
Sounds lovely, doesn't it?!? What they DON'T tell you is that the "platform suspended from the treetops above" bobs & weaves like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship from his shore leave!
Throughout the "ultimate highlight" that was The Canopy Walk, I found myself hugging trees as I hooked the clasps of my safety harness from one set of ropes to another; moving forward faster in a panicked state as my two partners progressed more confidently in the walk and I pulled up the rear; laughing hysterically (and I mean tears flowing, gut wrenching, face aching hysterical laughing) as I almost missed the GIANT first step that transitioned one suspended platform onto another; and tripping TWICE because my foot got caught on the rope at the side of wooden planks that was my boardwalk. Folks, I'm here to tell you I was FREAKED OUT!! The point of the walk was to get the "meta view" of the forest and to align that view with a coach's objective to always hold our client's meta goal in site for them. It's a lofty objective and one that Dorothy meant well in setting for us. But, all I know is that, for me, I couldn't see the forest because of all the fear I faced. Admittedly, I was able to feel better about my skills in transferring the safety clasps from one platform to another, but everytime I tried to look down and see the forest below, I felt a wave of nausea that caused me to grip the side ropes harder and make me walk a little faster to get the end!
Facing fear is a good thing, especially when you've got safety harnesses to back you up. However, you don't realize that until AFTER you've faced & conquered the fear. What's up with that?!? Too bad all fears didn't have crystal balls into which we could see us conquering whatever the fear was we faced. But then again, what fun would that be?!?
I'll wrap things up, but before I do, I want to share a tidbit from a coaching conversation I had with one of The Inca Chicks. She's the one who coined the phrase "Moments of Joy". During our conversation, she remembered being at Dead Woman's Pass (the highest point of our journey on The Inca Trail) feeling complete joy every time one of our team members arrived at the top of the Pass. Knowing how difficult the journey was, made her joyous EVERY TIME one of our team members reached the top. She said she decided to retire on top of that mountain because she wanted to find more "moments of joy" like the ones she experienced at Dead Woman's Pass. WOW!!
So tell me, poppits...What constitutes a "moment of joy" for you? And how often do you have them in a day?
Hmmmm.....
NOW tell me... what are you going to do to get more moments of joy in your life?!?
Wishing you "kick-ass" conversations and MANY moments of joy!
(a)yt xox
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Inspiration
Hi poppits!
Here's hopin' you had a great, long weekend and that getting back to work wasn't too challenging for you!
I had a great weekend, filled with socializing and re-runs of The West Wing - my latest DVD purchase. Man! I LOVED that show!
I also went to a couple of movies and dinner with pal-o-mine, Joanne. It had been a bit of time since I'd had the pleasure of Joanne's company alone, and I was reminded of how much I enjoyed spending time with her! We had great conversations and saw two AWESOME movies! Now, I don't normally do movie reviews, but I gotta tell you that Despicable Me (in 3D) and Salt were GREAT! Both movies rocked it, and to be truthful, were inspiring in their own way. Despicable Me was funny, creative and quite touching...fun for all. And yes, it's an adult movie too. Angelina Jolie in Salt was INCREDIBLE!! Say what you will about her love life (no wait! please say no more, I've had enough!), that chick can act! And run around...like for a long time and over many things! I'm sure she had a stunt women for the really difficult stunts, but that was DEFINITELY Angie running through the streets of Washington and around NYC. It was also Angie who did these amazing pivots off the wall just before she'd crack somebody upside the head with a gun and kick their butt...literally! So inspired was I that I'm going to tell The Evil One I have a new fitness goal. I want to be ripped enough so I can kick four CIA agents at the ready. I'm thinking it could take me a few months to figure out the sleeping-death-neck-grip move, but that's ok. I am, after all, a lover not a fighter!
After chatting with Joanne, I felt really good about my life. She reminded me of what I'd accomplish, and that this "moment of the journey" (i.e. when I can't seem to stop stuffing my face with everything) is just temporary. It's true. It reminded me of a great line in Anne of Green Gables, where Anne says "Tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it"...or something like tha... you get the gist, right? It doesn't matter how badly you've messed up, there's always tomorrow...or next week... or the next five minutes! Whatever it takes to get back on track, go for it!
I've had to draw upon a couple of tidbits I've learned from the "yt School of Getting Back Up After You've Had Your Butt Kicked a Few Times":
- Guilt and regret are two wasted emotions. Feeling them benefits no one. Suck it up and make amends, learn from the experience and move on. Yeah, I've put on a few pounds since I've come back from Machu Picchu, but I'm nowhere near where I was, so I need to stop whining, start exercising and MOVE ON!
- Laugh as often and as loud as you can. I'm sure those of you who have actually heard my laugh would not describe it as "delicate", so I'm all about letting 'er rip whenever the mood strikes me. Trust me, I've learned from the best. My siblings & I are notorious for laughing...all the time ... regardless of whether or not it's appropriate. Just ask my traumatized nieces and nephews. But at least we laugh. Joanne also has a hearty laugh and this weekend we both let go of a few, good belly laughs. What a great feeling that was!!
- Life's too short for the "what ifs". I've never felt myself to be a major risk-taker, but this weekend I was reminded that I've actually been living on the edge for quite a bit of time. Pursuing a dream is not always the easiest thing to do, but I gotta tell you, it's AMAZING when you do it!
I loved my weekend and I am thankful to Joanne for her inspiration. I don't think she knows what she's triggered in me...oops! Gotta flip her this blog so I don't have a "what if" about that!
My question for you poppits is this....from where do you draw inspiration? What little things in life give you pleasure and renew your hope? What books or movies give you inspiration? What friend or relative or work colleague can YOU count on to lift your spirits? I hope I've planted a seed for you to start paying attention.
Wishing you days filled with no regrets, inspiration and rip-roarin' laughter!
(a)yt xox
Here's hopin' you had a great, long weekend and that getting back to work wasn't too challenging for you!
I had a great weekend, filled with socializing and re-runs of The West Wing - my latest DVD purchase. Man! I LOVED that show!
I also went to a couple of movies and dinner with pal-o-mine, Joanne. It had been a bit of time since I'd had the pleasure of Joanne's company alone, and I was reminded of how much I enjoyed spending time with her! We had great conversations and saw two AWESOME movies! Now, I don't normally do movie reviews, but I gotta tell you that Despicable Me (in 3D) and Salt were GREAT! Both movies rocked it, and to be truthful, were inspiring in their own way. Despicable Me was funny, creative and quite touching...fun for all. And yes, it's an adult movie too. Angelina Jolie in Salt was INCREDIBLE!! Say what you will about her love life (no wait! please say no more, I've had enough!), that chick can act! And run around...like for a long time and over many things! I'm sure she had a stunt women for the really difficult stunts, but that was DEFINITELY Angie running through the streets of Washington and around NYC. It was also Angie who did these amazing pivots off the wall just before she'd crack somebody upside the head with a gun and kick their butt...literally! So inspired was I that I'm going to tell The Evil One I have a new fitness goal. I want to be ripped enough so I can kick four CIA agents at the ready. I'm thinking it could take me a few months to figure out the sleeping-death-neck-grip move, but that's ok. I am, after all, a lover not a fighter!
After chatting with Joanne, I felt really good about my life. She reminded me of what I'd accomplish, and that this "moment of the journey" (i.e. when I can't seem to stop stuffing my face with everything) is just temporary. It's true. It reminded me of a great line in Anne of Green Gables, where Anne says "Tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it"...or something like tha... you get the gist, right? It doesn't matter how badly you've messed up, there's always tomorrow...or next week... or the next five minutes! Whatever it takes to get back on track, go for it!
I've had to draw upon a couple of tidbits I've learned from the "yt School of Getting Back Up After You've Had Your Butt Kicked a Few Times":
- Guilt and regret are two wasted emotions. Feeling them benefits no one. Suck it up and make amends, learn from the experience and move on. Yeah, I've put on a few pounds since I've come back from Machu Picchu, but I'm nowhere near where I was, so I need to stop whining, start exercising and MOVE ON!
- Laugh as often and as loud as you can. I'm sure those of you who have actually heard my laugh would not describe it as "delicate", so I'm all about letting 'er rip whenever the mood strikes me. Trust me, I've learned from the best. My siblings & I are notorious for laughing...all the time ... regardless of whether or not it's appropriate. Just ask my traumatized nieces and nephews. But at least we laugh. Joanne also has a hearty laugh and this weekend we both let go of a few, good belly laughs. What a great feeling that was!!
- Life's too short for the "what ifs". I've never felt myself to be a major risk-taker, but this weekend I was reminded that I've actually been living on the edge for quite a bit of time. Pursuing a dream is not always the easiest thing to do, but I gotta tell you, it's AMAZING when you do it!
I loved my weekend and I am thankful to Joanne for her inspiration. I don't think she knows what she's triggered in me...oops! Gotta flip her this blog so I don't have a "what if" about that!
My question for you poppits is this....from where do you draw inspiration? What little things in life give you pleasure and renew your hope? What books or movies give you inspiration? What friend or relative or work colleague can YOU count on to lift your spirits? I hope I've planted a seed for you to start paying attention.
Wishing you days filled with no regrets, inspiration and rip-roarin' laughter!
(a)yt xox
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I'm getting nothin'!!
Hello poppits! Greetings from a very hot Mississauga!
I've been noodling over this blog all day, wondering what brilliant bits of inspiration I can give to my small but loyal followers...and I'm coming up with nothing! So, I thought I'd give you an update on what I've been doing for the past week.
On the eating & exercise front, it's been a bit of a downer for me. I exercised Wednesday of last week, hard, by myself. Achieving my goal of an additional 30 skips for my workout (up to 360 now) and doing some weight work, squats and stretches. It was a great workout and I was quite proud of myself. I even did some ab crunches on the ball. Then I went to my workout with The Evil One Thursday and, just as I was tying my shoe, I threw out my back. Oie! So I walked out into the gym, bent over like a hunchback where I went through a series of stretches and some massage. That aching lasted for several days, unfortunately, so the rest of the weekend was a write off. On a positive note, the back is better now, but it made me realize I need to get back on track to take care of myself again.
The eating has been a challenge as well. Every day I start out with good intentions, but by the time evening rolls around, I have succumbed to my temptations. I need to figure this out as it's starting to get REALLY annoying. Not to mention I can't seem to shake off the weight I gained after Machu Picchu. Sooooooooo....here are my commitments to myself:
1) I will join a gym in the west end. I have one in mind, that's enroute to my job in Mississauga. My life has shifted from 3 days in Toronto to 3 days in Mississauga and it's time to start adjusting my ever-important work out routine. I commit to working out at least three times/week, including a workout with The Evil One.
2) I will get back to some of my old, good habits ... like ...
- not eating after 7:00
- eliminating grains
- fruit & yogurt once/day
- eliminating dairy
I'm looking forward to getting back to "normal". I kinda hate feeling crappy, truth be told. Crappy both physically and emotionally. Yeesh, how much weight does a girl have to lose before she can feel good about herself?!?
Werner asked me (again!) what are my triggers for eating. I really don't know. Actually, that's not true. I noodled this a bit and have actually tried to pay attention and, to be truthful, the question Werner should be asking is "What DOESN'T trigger me to eat?!?" Seriously...I eat when I'm happy, when I'm bummed, when I'm angry, when I'm bored, when I'm not bored, when I'm hungry, when I'm not hungry...get the picture?!?
It's kinda crazy, if you think about it. I mean, how long have I been at this losing weight thing? And why do I STILL hear chocolate brownies calling my name?!? It's getting old.
So, there you have it, poppits. Nothing inspirational, just glimpses into the never-ending saga that is my Journey to Good Health. Even through it all, I am still grateful for the weight I've lost...for the ability to continue exercising and better myself with each workout...for my amazing support network who love me regardless of my size or my mental state, which we all know changes like the wind!
I guess this struggling is all part of the journey, but I must admit that I'll be glad when it's over. Today The Evil One asked me if I could "visualize" myself at my optimal weight. To be truthful, I can't. But I can remember the great feeling of accomplishment after I've pushed myself one step further during the workout. Or the feeling of pride when I looked down at the conveyor belt in the grocery store upon seeing my healthy choices for that day. Those are the feelings I'm going for right now.
One step at a time, poppits, one step at a time...
(a)yt xox
I've been noodling over this blog all day, wondering what brilliant bits of inspiration I can give to my small but loyal followers...and I'm coming up with nothing! So, I thought I'd give you an update on what I've been doing for the past week.
On the eating & exercise front, it's been a bit of a downer for me. I exercised Wednesday of last week, hard, by myself. Achieving my goal of an additional 30 skips for my workout (up to 360 now) and doing some weight work, squats and stretches. It was a great workout and I was quite proud of myself. I even did some ab crunches on the ball. Then I went to my workout with The Evil One Thursday and, just as I was tying my shoe, I threw out my back. Oie! So I walked out into the gym, bent over like a hunchback where I went through a series of stretches and some massage. That aching lasted for several days, unfortunately, so the rest of the weekend was a write off. On a positive note, the back is better now, but it made me realize I need to get back on track to take care of myself again.
The eating has been a challenge as well. Every day I start out with good intentions, but by the time evening rolls around, I have succumbed to my temptations. I need to figure this out as it's starting to get REALLY annoying. Not to mention I can't seem to shake off the weight I gained after Machu Picchu. Sooooooooo....here are my commitments to myself:
1) I will join a gym in the west end. I have one in mind, that's enroute to my job in Mississauga. My life has shifted from 3 days in Toronto to 3 days in Mississauga and it's time to start adjusting my ever-important work out routine. I commit to working out at least three times/week, including a workout with The Evil One.
2) I will get back to some of my old, good habits ... like ...
- not eating after 7:00
- eliminating grains
- fruit & yogurt once/day
- eliminating dairy
I'm looking forward to getting back to "normal". I kinda hate feeling crappy, truth be told. Crappy both physically and emotionally. Yeesh, how much weight does a girl have to lose before she can feel good about herself?!?
Werner asked me (again!) what are my triggers for eating. I really don't know. Actually, that's not true. I noodled this a bit and have actually tried to pay attention and, to be truthful, the question Werner should be asking is "What DOESN'T trigger me to eat?!?" Seriously...I eat when I'm happy, when I'm bummed, when I'm angry, when I'm bored, when I'm not bored, when I'm hungry, when I'm not hungry...get the picture?!?
It's kinda crazy, if you think about it. I mean, how long have I been at this losing weight thing? And why do I STILL hear chocolate brownies calling my name?!? It's getting old.
So, there you have it, poppits. Nothing inspirational, just glimpses into the never-ending saga that is my Journey to Good Health. Even through it all, I am still grateful for the weight I've lost...for the ability to continue exercising and better myself with each workout...for my amazing support network who love me regardless of my size or my mental state, which we all know changes like the wind!
I guess this struggling is all part of the journey, but I must admit that I'll be glad when it's over. Today The Evil One asked me if I could "visualize" myself at my optimal weight. To be truthful, I can't. But I can remember the great feeling of accomplishment after I've pushed myself one step further during the workout. Or the feeling of pride when I looked down at the conveyor belt in the grocery store upon seeing my healthy choices for that day. Those are the feelings I'm going for right now.
One step at a time, poppits, one step at a time...
(a)yt xox
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Pick your party, people!
Hi everyone! I hope you are keeping cool. Can it get any muggier?!? Yeesh!
This past week has been spent focusing on everything OTHER THAN eating properly and exercising regularly... not a good thing, poppits!
As you know, I've been feeling out of sorts since my return from Peru. I just can't seem to get anything right. I know this because I'm staring at a dusty, disorganized mess that is my condo, contemplating what else I can put into my mouth...even after eating a nice, healthy salad for dinner. I'm in trouble, once again!
As I think back on this challenging time, I realize I've run the spectrum of emotions...
... SAD that the trip is over
... CONFUSED about "what's next?" with me and my eating and exercise goals
... HAPPY that my work contracts have started
... RELIEVED that I can start digging myself out of the hole of debt
... THANKFUL that I have a great support network of people who are positive, loving and generous
... FRUSTRATED that I can't seem to get my weight loss "mojo" back
... TICKED OFF at myself that I continue to expend mountainous emotional energy on mole hill issues.
When I originally sat down to type this blog, I was going to invite you to my "pity party" while I droned on about how horrible the transition back to reality has been and how I just can't seem to feel good about myself. I was going to recommend that you B.Y.O.T (Bring Your Own Tissues) because, clearly, I am too self-absorbed to think of tissues for anyone else. Um, does this sound like a party YOU want to go to?!?
Fortunately for all concerned, I've given myself a mental head smack and said "SNAP OUT OF IT!!" This particular pity party has been canceled.
Instead, I'd like to invite you to another party. THIS party has...
... music you can dance to even if you have two left feet and no rhythm
... yummy tasting drinks that give you a slight buzz but do not lead you down the path of embarrassment
... food that tantalizes your taste buds without plumping your hips
... conversation that stimulates your brain, your heart and your soul
... people that make you laugh, make you think and make you want to never leave their side.
Does this sound like YOUR kind of party?!? I know I wouldn't want to leave! Sooooo, how do we get there?
Acceptance of and pride in who you are. Other people love & accept us just as we are, why can't we do the same with ourselves? Hmmmm.....
OK poppits, I'm closing the door on my pity party and I am about to walk into my new party. I can hear Kool & The Gang's song "Celebrate" wrapping up in the background. I smell the aroma of different, decadent foods. I see a bar with cocktail shakers and colorful bottles. Everyone inside is smiling or laughing and several people have their arms outstretched ready to greet me. As I get closer to the door, KC & The Sunshine Band comes on, and I KNOW I am ready to shake, shake, shake my booty. Who's walking in with me?!?
Here's wishing you the ability to see yourself through the eyes of a loved one.
(a)yt xox
This past week has been spent focusing on everything OTHER THAN eating properly and exercising regularly... not a good thing, poppits!
As you know, I've been feeling out of sorts since my return from Peru. I just can't seem to get anything right. I know this because I'm staring at a dusty, disorganized mess that is my condo, contemplating what else I can put into my mouth...even after eating a nice, healthy salad for dinner. I'm in trouble, once again!
As I think back on this challenging time, I realize I've run the spectrum of emotions...
... SAD that the trip is over
... CONFUSED about "what's next?" with me and my eating and exercise goals
... HAPPY that my work contracts have started
... RELIEVED that I can start digging myself out of the hole of debt
... THANKFUL that I have a great support network of people who are positive, loving and generous
... FRUSTRATED that I can't seem to get my weight loss "mojo" back
... TICKED OFF at myself that I continue to expend mountainous emotional energy on mole hill issues.
When I originally sat down to type this blog, I was going to invite you to my "pity party" while I droned on about how horrible the transition back to reality has been and how I just can't seem to feel good about myself. I was going to recommend that you B.Y.O.T (Bring Your Own Tissues) because, clearly, I am too self-absorbed to think of tissues for anyone else. Um, does this sound like a party YOU want to go to?!?
Fortunately for all concerned, I've given myself a mental head smack and said "SNAP OUT OF IT!!" This particular pity party has been canceled.
Instead, I'd like to invite you to another party. THIS party has...
... music you can dance to even if you have two left feet and no rhythm
... yummy tasting drinks that give you a slight buzz but do not lead you down the path of embarrassment
... food that tantalizes your taste buds without plumping your hips
... conversation that stimulates your brain, your heart and your soul
... people that make you laugh, make you think and make you want to never leave their side.
Does this sound like YOUR kind of party?!? I know I wouldn't want to leave! Sooooo, how do we get there?
Acceptance of and pride in who you are. Other people love & accept us just as we are, why can't we do the same with ourselves? Hmmmm.....
OK poppits, I'm closing the door on my pity party and I am about to walk into my new party. I can hear Kool & The Gang's song "Celebrate" wrapping up in the background. I smell the aroma of different, decadent foods. I see a bar with cocktail shakers and colorful bottles. Everyone inside is smiling or laughing and several people have their arms outstretched ready to greet me. As I get closer to the door, KC & The Sunshine Band comes on, and I KNOW I am ready to shake, shake, shake my booty. Who's walking in with me?!?
Here's wishing you the ability to see yourself through the eyes of a loved one.
(a)yt xox
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hurts so good...
I'm doing one of my favourite things, as you all know. I'm sitting at a Starbucks location. This time it's in the heart of the financial district in downtown Toronto. I'm waiting for some of my Adler peeps to show up for our monthly "Coaches' Corner" get together. It's 15 minutes past the starting point and I have a feeling that I'm going to be this month's only participant. This is not a bad thing as it gives me a chance to write this note.
I attended the funeral of my Aunt Elsie yesterday. Although a sad occasion when anyone leaves this world, this time it was a blessing. Aunt Elsie, normally full of life with quick wit and a GREAT laugh, spent the last few months in alot of pain. It's good that she's no longer suffering. Now it's the family that will have to deal with their pain...
When I think of my memories of Aunt Elsie, I am always reminded of a woman who supported me with my weight loss journey. I remember sitting beside her one day while she was playing cards. I never liked PLAYING cards, but I enjoyed the bantering and trash-talking that always happened during a card game. For the record, Aunt Elsie could keep up with the best of them in terms of trash talking.
ANYWAY....
I was a teenager and was quite self-conscious of my weight. Aunt Elsie turned to me in between card hands and said "You losing weight, honey? You look good! I mean that. Listen honey, do yourself a favour and lose the weight while you're young. It gets really hard when you get old like me." On that day, Aunt Elsie was the only person who a) noticed and b) said anything about my effort to lose weight. It made me love her to bits!
Throughout my years of roller-coaster weights, Aunt Elsie would always tell me "you look good, honey", regardless of how big or small I was. I knew she meant it and was (and still am) grateful for her kind words and observations. I tip my hat, my laptop and my Venti Decaf Americano to you, Aunt Elsie! You will be missed by many, whose lives you probably didn't even realize you touched.
Before Aunt Elsie died, I was speaking with her son (my cousin) about her status. He was spending alot of time with Aunt Elsie and Uncle Pete, taking care of her and their business. He kept talking about her pain and the suffering she endured. I could tell he was in pain watching her. It reminded me of the pain I'd experienced in my life, and got me thinking about the different kinds of pain we all suffer...and how to cope.
Below are a couple of tips I've used to help me get through some harrowing, pain-filled days in my life:
#1 - TALK IT THROUGH
My cousin, Mansour, normally a happy-easy-to-smile kinda guy was really down. I could feel his angst over Skype. By the end of our conversation, he seemed to perk up and even laugh out loud on a few occasions. His pain was managed by a simple conversation - one where he was able to talk about his challenges and then let them go temporarily. For me, I felt overwhelmed by his pain so I had to figure out a way to put my anxiety aside and focus on him. This was a challenge to me, but something worthwhile for me to learn. I was so happy to see Mansour's BIG smile return to his face by the end of the conversation. I will always be grateful for my support network. During times when you're in pain, talk it through. If you're not a talker, like me, journal or write down your experience and what you're feeling. I know it sounds "touchy feely", but believe me, it will provide relief. During those dark times, ya gotta grab that relief whenever you can.
#2 - TAKE TIME FOR YOU
In 2009, I blogged about the challenges I faced when I was dealing with a crappy work environment on top of the rapid decline of my mom. May to October 2009 were dark months for me. One of the few things that kept me going were my weekly workouts with The Evil One. Although they weren't the most pleasurable (as you will recall!), they were 100% focused on me - on my improvement and good health. Those one hour sessions were my refuge from the challenges I experienced at work and the pain of watching my mother suffer. When you're constantly focused on others, it's really important to take care of yourself. For me, the physical exercise was great. Whatever you choose, pick something you enjoy and is 100% focused on you. It may feel a bit decadent, but YOU ARE WORTH IT!
#3 - LET IT GO
Sometimes people feel pain for a long period of time... Somebody said something to hurt you... You keep revisiting a part of your past that was difficult...you said or did something to someone that you regret (that's my favourite!)... Do any of these sound familiar?!? I'm notorious for re-living past moments of pain, especially when I've caused it to someone else. Sometimes it's difficult to move past it. I get that - believe me! When you keep re-living things that cause you pain, ask yourself the question "For how long do I need to suffer?" Honestly, what's the point? If you can't change the past, then what can you learn from it to help you move on? Do yourself a favour - forgive yourself and/or forgive others. It will save you alot of unnecessary angst!
Of course, these "pearls of wisdom" are from my own point of view and offer no psychological back up. Just me and my experience. I am interested in other perspectives, so if you'd like to share your thoughts on how you deal with pain, feel free to comment on the blog or send me an email. I'm always curious about you, poppits!
Well, it's official. I am the only person at Coaches' Corner this month! Time to pack up and head to see Despicable Me with niece Jennifer and nephew Craig - can't wait!
Wishing you pain-free moments forever!
(a)yt xox
I attended the funeral of my Aunt Elsie yesterday. Although a sad occasion when anyone leaves this world, this time it was a blessing. Aunt Elsie, normally full of life with quick wit and a GREAT laugh, spent the last few months in alot of pain. It's good that she's no longer suffering. Now it's the family that will have to deal with their pain...
When I think of my memories of Aunt Elsie, I am always reminded of a woman who supported me with my weight loss journey. I remember sitting beside her one day while she was playing cards. I never liked PLAYING cards, but I enjoyed the bantering and trash-talking that always happened during a card game. For the record, Aunt Elsie could keep up with the best of them in terms of trash talking.
ANYWAY....
I was a teenager and was quite self-conscious of my weight. Aunt Elsie turned to me in between card hands and said "You losing weight, honey? You look good! I mean that. Listen honey, do yourself a favour and lose the weight while you're young. It gets really hard when you get old like me." On that day, Aunt Elsie was the only person who a) noticed and b) said anything about my effort to lose weight. It made me love her to bits!
Throughout my years of roller-coaster weights, Aunt Elsie would always tell me "you look good, honey", regardless of how big or small I was. I knew she meant it and was (and still am) grateful for her kind words and observations. I tip my hat, my laptop and my Venti Decaf Americano to you, Aunt Elsie! You will be missed by many, whose lives you probably didn't even realize you touched.
Before Aunt Elsie died, I was speaking with her son (my cousin) about her status. He was spending alot of time with Aunt Elsie and Uncle Pete, taking care of her and their business. He kept talking about her pain and the suffering she endured. I could tell he was in pain watching her. It reminded me of the pain I'd experienced in my life, and got me thinking about the different kinds of pain we all suffer...and how to cope.
Below are a couple of tips I've used to help me get through some harrowing, pain-filled days in my life:
#1 - TALK IT THROUGH
My cousin, Mansour, normally a happy-easy-to-smile kinda guy was really down. I could feel his angst over Skype. By the end of our conversation, he seemed to perk up and even laugh out loud on a few occasions. His pain was managed by a simple conversation - one where he was able to talk about his challenges and then let them go temporarily. For me, I felt overwhelmed by his pain so I had to figure out a way to put my anxiety aside and focus on him. This was a challenge to me, but something worthwhile for me to learn. I was so happy to see Mansour's BIG smile return to his face by the end of the conversation. I will always be grateful for my support network. During times when you're in pain, talk it through. If you're not a talker, like me, journal or write down your experience and what you're feeling. I know it sounds "touchy feely", but believe me, it will provide relief. During those dark times, ya gotta grab that relief whenever you can.
#2 - TAKE TIME FOR YOU
In 2009, I blogged about the challenges I faced when I was dealing with a crappy work environment on top of the rapid decline of my mom. May to October 2009 were dark months for me. One of the few things that kept me going were my weekly workouts with The Evil One. Although they weren't the most pleasurable (as you will recall!), they were 100% focused on me - on my improvement and good health. Those one hour sessions were my refuge from the challenges I experienced at work and the pain of watching my mother suffer. When you're constantly focused on others, it's really important to take care of yourself. For me, the physical exercise was great. Whatever you choose, pick something you enjoy and is 100% focused on you. It may feel a bit decadent, but YOU ARE WORTH IT!
#3 - LET IT GO
Sometimes people feel pain for a long period of time... Somebody said something to hurt you... You keep revisiting a part of your past that was difficult...you said or did something to someone that you regret (that's my favourite!)... Do any of these sound familiar?!? I'm notorious for re-living past moments of pain, especially when I've caused it to someone else. Sometimes it's difficult to move past it. I get that - believe me! When you keep re-living things that cause you pain, ask yourself the question "For how long do I need to suffer?" Honestly, what's the point? If you can't change the past, then what can you learn from it to help you move on? Do yourself a favour - forgive yourself and/or forgive others. It will save you alot of unnecessary angst!
Of course, these "pearls of wisdom" are from my own point of view and offer no psychological back up. Just me and my experience. I am interested in other perspectives, so if you'd like to share your thoughts on how you deal with pain, feel free to comment on the blog or send me an email. I'm always curious about you, poppits!
Well, it's official. I am the only person at Coaches' Corner this month! Time to pack up and head to see Despicable Me with niece Jennifer and nephew Craig - can't wait!
Wishing you pain-free moments forever!
(a)yt xox
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