"enough is enough!"

That's what I told myself this morning about the blog avoidance problem I've been experiencing. First it was related to a "funk" I was going through, now it's just plain laziness!

But, here I am....

Hallooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I'm on my couch, listenin' to the Disco Brunch on boom 97.3...nothin' like Donna Summer to bring up the spirits! Sing it, sister!!!

So, what's been shakin' for the past two weeks....well....

- down more weight bringing my total loss to 70 lbs. It's nice to be able to say that. It's a good, round number! I am only 35 lbs. from my Inca Trail goal...YOWZA!! What a great feeling it is to be so close! That's only 4 lbs/week, which is totally doable.

- exercise program is back on track for 3x/week at the gym. We've bumped it up a notch, given The Evil One's commitment to "ride my ass" until I reach my goal. He's quite effective at that, btw. When I work out on my own, I climb stairs carrying weights. I'm up to 500 stairs, with an end goal of 2,000. I'm told that's equivalent to climbing the CN Tower. Yes, I AM nuts!

- I've been hiking every week with The Inca Chicks. What a great group of women! I'm really enjoying getting to know everyone. And talk about "fit"...these women kick my booty when it comes to these hikes. I can barely keep my heart from pounding out of my throat, while most of these women (who are ALL older than me, btw) barely work up a sweat! On the one hand, it's embarrassing. On the flip side, it's really motivating me to keep going. They're all so supportive. It's really great.

- I've had some ups and downs on the "trying to make money" thing...more downs than ups, but I'm not giving up. I've got some great networking meetings coming up, for which I am most appreciative. I know things are going to work out and that, wherever I land, it's gonna rock my world! Sometimes, though, I need a gentle reminding of that....feel free to nudge me along anytime!

All in all, I'm back to being me, which makes me feel pretty good. I'm really trying to stay focused on my commitment to viewing things as a possibility vs. a limitation. I've had some successes in this area, for example...

- when my next food adventure was presented by The Evil One (a 9 day cleanse which reflects 7 days of shakes only & 2 days of "near fasting"), my first reaction was "Hmmmm, better not make any plans with friends I want to keep." That's improvement, right? I actually didn't put up resistance and said to Werner "Bring it on!" But I know myself well enough to know that I'll be in Crankyland for those 9 days and avoiding humankind is really the best thing for everyone. I'll let you know when the cleanse begins so you know to stay away...you're welcome!

- When I was presented with the physical challenge of doing 2,000 stairs, instead of smacking The Evil One upside the head with the 15 lb. weight I was carrying, I smiled at him and walked away. OK, so I was cursing him in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T THROW THE WEIGHT AT HIM! On the contrary, I challenged myself to do two more reps on the stairs, increasing from 300 to 500 steps that day. BOO-YA, BABY!!

So you see, things are improving for me. Although I don't LOVE the idea of them, I no longer dread the Sunday morning hikes in the cold, even when it's -8 like it was today. Instead of calling in sick, I get my bum out of bed and throw on my 20 layers of clothing, waddling to the car with the anticipation of staying warm as I sweat my ass off from keeping pace with the rest of The Inca Chicks.

I had a bit of a setback at last week's hike, I must now confess to poppits! This is an example of where I saw the limitations first. As a matter of fact, I saw absolutely NO possibilities whatsoever!

Picture me this...

I'm driving with Marta & Dawn to our hike at Rattlesnake Point (in Burlington). We pull up to a dead end road and park. As all the other hikers arrive, Marta says, "The entrance is over here. We just have to hop the fence to get in."...just like that, real casual. Of course, I start to get eye twitches and ask "Are you serious? We have to hop a fence?!?" I'm sure I was borderline hysterical because my voice sounded like I was 6 years old...or drunk.

Marta proceeds to hop over the fence, demonstrating to all "how easy" it is to get over the fence..."put your left foot here (on top of a steel bar), grab here (a big ass log), lift your right leg over (another, higher steel bar), put it here (in the same, tiny space where your left foot is), then push off and jump down (without falling on your face)."

Admittedly, she did make it look easy, but I wasn't fooled, knowing that Marta is about 100 ft. tall and in FAB shape. Following closely and easily behind her was Dawn, also 100 ft. tall and in good shape, who whipped over with no problem. Then came Ellen Mary, who is short and in her 60s'. She had a little trouble getting up, but she did it. So I thought "Hmmmm, maybe it isn't so bad"....seeing possibilities (but forgetting that Ellen Mary was one of the Mt. Kili hikers), I take my turn....

- Lift left foot onto bar...ok...
- lift bum up to grab big ass log...nope...step back down, giggle in embarassment
- try again to lift bum, grasping desperately at the log...feel mysterious hands on my bum...up I go!
- lift my right leg over second, higher steel bar...not quite...giggle and curse under my breath...
- Now I'm sweating and start to lift my leg again...feel mysterious hand on my boot helping to lift my right leg over the bar....
- try to put both feet into same spot on bar...not happening! Seriously, how can other people with their hiking boots fit both feet in the same spot?!?
- more sweating and cursing...then I just say "F@$K it" and with as little grace as you can imagine, I hop off the fence.

The good news is I landed without a face plant.

And poppits, that was just to BEGIN the hike...remember, I had to climb this damn fence to get out of the park. And, don't think I didn't think about spending the day in the park trying to find another way to get out.

Needless to say, by the time we had to climb out of the park, I was more tired from the hike and not looking forward to hoisting my exhausted butt over that hellacious fence! At that point, I was all about limitations, imagining that big, hairy steel arms would come out as I tried to lift myself up and push me down...or throw me over forcing me to land with a "splatt" on the ground. But fortunately my Inca Chick peeps were one step ahead of me...no need to push my bum up as Marta and Dawn pulled me up from the front and two women grabbed my leg over. It was much easier the second time. Still, embarrassing...

I told Werner of my embarrassment and he said "We can fix that"...uh-oh...so, the next workout with him I did step ups...120 of them, carrying a 9lb. weight for the last 40 reps...oie! All good, right?!?

These past two weeks have been a real testament to my faith...that my "Leap of Faith" was the right thing to do. I would call what I was feeling, the equivalent of bashing up against the mountain from which I leapt. I'm still heading down to an amazing landing, but I was knocked into the side of the mountain by a few birds passing by. It was a bit painful, but short-lived. The thing for me to remember during these times is to seek out my friends. People who remind me that I am loved and worthy of living my life the way I want to live it.

I recently re-read the stream of conscious journalling I did during my Foundations course when I was writing about my passion. I read the line..."If I stick to my passion (of helping people), everything else is just noise." The "noise" I was referring to were things like worrying about making money, worrying about what the cynics would say, worrying about my inner critic, blah, blah, blah...it was great to be reminded of why I was put on this earth.

Tell me, what is your passion?!?

I promise to keep in touch more often.

Cheers! May your February be filled with warmth & comfort food - whatever that may be for you!!!
(a) yt xox