The manic highs & lows of Christmas

Well heidi ho, poppits and greetings from Phoenix! I won't taunt you with the weather, sparing those of you in cold & snowy or rainy other places. I will tell you, however, that it hasn't been all "fun-in-the-sun" weather here. As a matter of fact, I got caught in a rain storm (thunder & lightning included!) as I was walking home from my bro's office one day. Of course, every CSI episode came back to haunt me as I imagined myself getting struck by lightning and/or having my brain fried through electrocution while listenting to my iPhone. Clearly my imagination was in overdrive on that day. OK, I know what you're thinking..."when ISN'T her imagination in overdrive?!?" Fair point...

So, what have been I up to and why have I titled this entry as "manic highs & lows"? Well, that's how I've been feeling. Clearly it's the sugar detox that has some effect, but I have been going on such an emotional roller coaster these past few days. On the positive side, I've been getting tremendous, positive feedback about my weight loss and how great I look. That's always a booster. However, the low's have come from the verbal self-flagellation associated with my lack of control over my eating. There was one low point, after I'd INHALED about 10 cookies, where I thought to myself "Yvonne, you've become a pig." Honestly, I called myself a "pig". I was so full from over-eating at dinner and yet that didn't stop me from eating 10 cookies. The sad part was, I didn't even realize I was eating them. Before I knew what I was doing, I had just eaten them...like I was on pig-out auto pilot. Pathetic, really...that's how I was feeling.

So, as many of you can predict, my self-destructive internal critic "Michelle" was in her heyday, calling me all kinds of names and telling me terrible things like...
"You're not going to get into your clothes" ... and "Look at your face. It's fat and your double chin is back".... and "You'll never climb The Inca Trail if you keep eating like this". I'm telling you, I was really feeling at an all-time low. I'm not sure if my brother was able to figure this out, as most of my self-abuse was internal, but I felt like I was too fat and ugly to do anything.

.... then came the hike to "The Summit"...another trail on Squaw Peak.

The scene...John, myself and nephews Tommy, Craig and Mark drove to the bottom of The Summit where we were to meet Cornelia and Gina. The boys were pumped and Mark, being the yoga guru, showed us some stretches. We started talking about The Inca Trail and Mark was telling us about his climb of Mt. Everest and the challenges he faced. He's so upbeat and was so excited for us about The Inca Trail that I started to get excited too. Admittedly, I was a bit intimidated looking at the trail we were about to climb, but when Craig said, "take it slowly Aunt Yvonne and you'll be able to do it. We're not in any rush", I started to feel better. When Cornelia and Gina joined us, I was feeling cautiously optimistic when we began the ascent....

It was REALLY challenging - partly because of the GOBS of people also doing the trek, but mostly because it was rough terrain and lots of rough "stairs" to the climb. What a PERFECT trail to prepare us for the Inca Trail! I was so happy that John & Cornelia have this hike and, admittedly, a bit jealous that I couldn't do it with them the whole winter. Sooooo, if anyone has any work for me in the Phoenix area, please feel free to contact me!!!

OK, so I didn't do the entire climb, I stopped climbing after the .75 mile point and headed down. I felt like I was getting tired and knew I needed to keep my strength for the tough descent. Besides, I knew it was time to head down when I almost slugged a few people for laligagging on the trail...imagine they felt it was an opportuntiy to socialize!! Who does a 1.5 mile hike up rough terrain in the boiling sun just for fun?!? What's the matter with these people?!? But I digress...

Thanks to John for giving me my hiking poles as my knees were spared alot of pressure! So, John & I will go back to The Summit at least twice before I head back to Toronto. My goal is to do the full climb. I know now to eat something before I go and to make more frequent stops along the way, if I need to. John's goal is to climb the Summit twice in one day by the end of February. "Go-go, daddy-o!" is what I say to that!!

So, I'm feeling much better about myself now..thank goodness! Although Michelle peaks her head up every once in a while, I'm doing a much better job of restraining my eating. John & I walk our 8 KM walk every morning, so that's a great way to start the day. To really show myself that I actually CAN restrain my urges, I have 8 chewy mint candies sitting on my dresser. My goal is to eat NONE of them...to look at them every day and say "nah, you're not worth it" and walk away. At some point during the week, my goal is to actually stop noticing them! So far so good! Also to celebrate resisting eating the leftover cookies and pie that are sitting in the kitchen. I'm back to my protein shakes and salads, so that's been very helpful. John is also restricting himself, so that has been helpful. Yeah to us!!!

Before I sign off, I wanted to tell you about my friend, Ann, who I reconnected with today after something like 8 years. The last time I saw Ann, she was, like 60 lbs. heavier. She looks TOTALLY amazing, even after a second baby, and has been doing really well. It was so great to reconnect with her and I left feeling GREAT about all I've accomplished on the diet and work front. She has always been a great supporter of mine, believing in me, encouraging me and leading by example for me. Ann has raised two boys, who are SO GREAT - well-behaved, respectful of each other, smart, fun, yada-yada! I've always admired Ann's "just do it" attitude and I was, once again, reminded of her resiliency, tenacity and amazing positive outlook. I am soooo glad she is back in my life.

Well poppits, time to sign off. Given that we're up tomorrow for another walk at 5:45 in the am, it's almost bed time for this bonzo!

As you look back on 2009, I hope you will feel proud of all you've accomplished and look forward to all you will accomplish in 2010! The sky's the limit, poppits, and know that I am walking beside ya,toasting your successes with really yummy champagne!

Cheers to us!!
(a) yt xox