For what are you grateful?

Halloooo and greetings from sunny, warm Phoenix! I'm sitting in my bro's office and thought I'd type you an update.

These past few weeks have been quite eventful and thought provoking for me. I always get kinda kumbaya around Thanksgiving because I try and reflect back on the year, remembering all for which I am grateful. As I look back on this year, all I can say is...

!!!!!! HOLY AMAZING, BATMAN !!!!!

Please indulge me while I take a few notes...
- lost a few pounds
- exercised a few times
- took a few trips to Phoenix
- climbed a little trail through the Andes
- developed and performed a few workshops
- got a few initials behind my name
- coached a few, AWESOME clients
- met a few new people

Get the picture?!? Oh, and how about, survived financially doing work I love with people that inspire me daily?

People, you can't imagine how incredibly grateful I am for the life I lead. If you are reading this blog, know that you are one of those people who have touched my life and ROCKED MY WORLD. To you, I am and will always be...

1) appreciative of who you are and what you bring to the table every time I see you!
2) amazed at your never-ending wisdom and inspiration
3) humbled by your courage
4) honoured by your friendship and trust

So tell me, poppits, when you look back on this past year...What made you proud? Who made you happy? What made you say "I totally ROCKED that!"?!?

I'm guessing those are the moments and the people for which you are most grateful!

Wishing you love, gratitude and lots of pumpkin pie! Happy Thanksgiving!
(a)yt xox

Asking for help

Sitting in a Starbucks waiting for my car to get work done and thinking about the concept of help. Trust me, this is not a random thought sprung on me because of an incident at the Starbucks. Here's where I'm coming from...

Last night I joined Weight Watchers. There's a new "chapter" about 3KM from where I live (right next to a Baskin Robbins, btw - no irony there!). They have opening deals, so I thought I'd sign up and get back on track. It's time.

ANYWAY...the topic for last night's discussion was "Asking for help". Marlene, the facilitator, asked the question...if we could ask for help, what would we ask for and who would we ask for it from? When we all looked at her like deers in headlights, she took a step back and asked..."why is it so difficult for us to ask for help?"

Ooooohhhh.....good question!!!

While I'm the first one there for anyone who needs help, it's VERY difficult for me to ask for help myself. And, based upon the responses from last night's group, I'm not the only one who faces this challenge. Here's what some of the responses were:

- asking for help admits to failure
- asking for help exposes a vulnerability that isn't always comfortable to admit
- asking for help surrenders independence
- asking for help makes you dependent on others

YOWZA!! Really? Does asking for help really mean all of the above? It made me think about times when I actually DID ask for help and what REALLY happened. Let's do this checklist...

- Did I feel I failed? Not really. It was more like I just didn't know what to do next and realized I couldn't do this alone anymore. Admitting I don't know everything is a good dose of reality!

- Was I vulnerable? Oh yeah! I felt a little like I was taking another leap of faith. Only this time it was jumping off the ledge into the arms of someone, trusting they would catch me. And what did the person to whom I asked for help do with that vulnerability? Nothing really...didn't acknowledge it or embrace it or anything. Just helped...without question or judgment or drama. Which, btw, was the perfect reaction for me!

- Did I surrender independence? DARN TOOTIN'!! And that was a good thing! What makes me think I'm perfect enough to take care of EVERYTHING in my life?!? While I'd like to THINK I'm Wonder Woman, I'm not ... hello?!?

- Did I become dependent on others? For this particular situation, yes. And guess what? It worked!!

Here's the deal, poppits. No one can go alone in this world. I don't think we're meant to be completely self-sufficient for everything. Everyone needs some help, even if it's for an explanation of "Venti" vs. "Grande". Oh, and think about a time when you were able to help someone who needed help...how did you feel when you knew you COULD help him/her? Pretty good, eh?

So the next time you're stuck with something, ask yourself..."Who can help me with this?" and seek out that help. You'll feel better and you'll actually give pleasure to someone else.

Taking my own advice, I'm about to ask for help in refilling my Venti Pike Place coffee!

Here's hoping your leaps of faith and asks for help will find you jumping into the arms of Ryan Reynolds...or Scarlett Johannson ... or both! Hey! I'm not here to judge!
(a)yt xoxo

Star gazing in Toronto

Hello all!

I'm taking a break from the blinding flashes of the paparazzi and the screams of the fans to touch base with you. That's right! The Toronto International Film Festival is in town and Yours Truly has been hanging about this week. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a HUGE fan of the glitz & glamor of celebrities, as well as an avid movie fan. TIFF is just a glorious combination of the two!

To be truthful, the star gazing addiction and the frenzy of "must get the best photo" is a new phenomena for me. When I lived in Los Angeles, it was not a big deal to see celebrities hanging about. So, where my addiction to the glamor has come from is beyond me. But I have to tell you, it's kinda over the top. I realized this as I found myself mashed up against complete strangers, waiting to see Edward Norton and Robert DeNiro before their movie, Stone, Friday night. I'm talking feel-the-heartbeat-of-the-person-standing-behind-my-back mashed. Now, the fact that I was in more intimate positions with complete strangers than with past boyfriends was not the disturbing part. What was alarming for me was my reaction when Robert DeNiro showed up and didn't even greet the crowd. Instead of seeing him, I saw the side of the SUV that drove him. I got caught up in the anger of the crowd and found myself yelling things like "Come on, Bobby...give it up for your fans!!" and "Who do you think you are? Al Pacino?!?"

Honestly, can you believe it?!? It wasn't my finest moment. The interesting thing is that I didn't realize just how ridiculous I was behaving until I started to tell some other friends about it. Their "yeah, so what?" attitude gave me good perspective. It helped me to GET A FRIGGIN' GRIP, SISTER!

I kinda vowed that I would control myself and not get so crazily involved in the hype. Fortunately, there weren't many other huge celebrities I was going to see, so the temptation really wasn't there. It was a good dose of reality for me, though.

So, I think I'm back to my "normal" perspective around TIFF. Yeah, it's fun to see celebrities (saw Amy Madigan, Ed Harris & Jennifer Connelly tonight!), but they are human too and are here to enjoy themselves. They like Toronto because the fans are non-intrusive and respectful. My behaviour towards DeNiro was not very respectful, truth be told. I have to retract the rumour I spread on Facebook that says he showed up late for the gala because he had a tummy ache and was found in an embryonic position crying "I want my mommy"..see, not respectful.

In the meantime, I will continue to be grateful for experiencing this for the 12th year in a row, with friends who are able to enjoy the glitz & glam with me. That's the best part! Star gazing is always better with someone!

Remember, poppits, everyone is glamorous in their own way. When you're getting ready for work tomorrow, pull out your finest outfit with your highest heels. Throw on some makeup, curl your hair and walk out the door like you're walking into your own paparazzi party. Believe me, you've got star power, so work it baby, work it!!

I'm signing off and heading to bed now. I need to be fresh for the red carpet!
(a)yt xox

Scared straight!

Happy Hump Day, poppits! It's been a while since I've updated you on the saga that is my Journey to Good Health, so here we go!

I've been trying to maintain my routine of the 8-hour eating window, with no grains, sugar and dairy. For the most part, it's been a pretty good haul. There are days, however, when all logic gets tossed aside and I find myself in Organic Planet buying Kale Chips, the Awesome Almond mix and some of their yummy baked goods. Usually these things don't make the drive home before I've inhaled them, so all of those calories are consumed within a 15 minute drive...leaving me feeling full and like a failure!

I TRY to stay away from there, believe me, but it's like my car is on auto pilot and my feet just move themselves through the store. All the while, there is a running commentary in my head, outlining all the logical reasons why I should put down the Power Cookies and walk away before anyone gets hurt. I've even had visions of myself throwing my hand-carried basket of treats at the innocent, smiley cashier while running out of the store yelling "YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!"

But that never seems to happen and I buy the food, snarf it down and begin the routine of self-loathing. sigh...

So, in my self-loathing mood, I went to a workout last Tuesday (17th). I put on 4 lbs., after having lost 6 lbs. the week before. Well, The Evil One had had enough and threatened to fire me as a client! He said he had fired clients before when the effort they put into their workout wasn't supported by the effort they put into their eating. He didn't want to waste his time. When I realized he was serious, I thought...

"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!"

What would I do without "The Evil One"?!? My rock? My support? My reality check? The thought was not pleasant as Werner has come to mean a great deal to me, beyond just the training. I consider him a friend and someone to whom I will always be loyal.

Needless to say that was a good wake up call. When I weighed in this week, I was down 4 lbs., so the scale is going in the right direction. I'm back to feeling calmer about my approach to food and I kick my own butt at my gym, so all's good on the exercise front.

In retrospect, I think Werner was just trying to shake me up - well done to him! Having said that, I think he also reached his point of maximum frustration with me. All he saw was someone who had worked hard for over a year to lose 85 lbs. and exercise her way through The Andes, who was now becoming complacent and uncommitted. Honestly, I can't blame him for questioning me and I thank him for that "brick wall moment".

I just want to know...

What happened to my passion?
What happened to my commitment to me?
What happened to my buns 'o' steal?!?

I want all of that back, dammit, especially the buns of steal! So, I remind myself of my "golden rules" for my Journey to Good Health...

1) One meal at a time - don't throw the day away if I mess up on one meal. Keep focused on every meal!

2) Keep the goals simple and achievable - 8 hour window; no grains, sugar or dairy; exercise HARD at least 3x/week; LOOK GOOD NAKED!

3) Celebrate my success - I'm still the smallest size I've ever been as an adult; I feel great; I've come a long way and I REFUSE to turn back!

4) "Reality check" myself to keep perspective - it didn't take me a week to put the weight on so why should I expect to lose it in a week?; I won't starve or die if I don't have bread. Honestly, it's just bread!; Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure run rampant on both sides of my family. Is that ice cream really worth the risk?!?

5) Share the journey - people want to help and have good suggestions for keeping me focused; everyone has their own personal challenges. Me blogging about my challenges just helps to remind people they aren't alone!

Well poppits, it's time to go to bed. Thanx, again, for listening to my story! I will leave you with one question...

What are your "golden rules"?

G'night!
(a)yt xox

Sticking to the "real" me

Heidi ho, poppits!

I've had this blog running through my head since Friday, so I think I'll just get right to it, if you don't mind...

I began my day Friday with a knock 'em down, drag 'em out fight. Not an actual fist fight, although at one point I imagined I was inflicting physical pain. I was part of a verbal sparring match that left my heart bruised and my head exhausted. Lemme give you some background...

As you know, I've been working on contract in Mississauga. Besides myself and my friend, Aubrey, there is another woman on the team. She is smart, funny and has gained alot of technical and data knowledge in a short period of time. I appreciate and value what she brings to the table. On occasion, I let her know what I think of her work.

For the past week-ish, I've been butting heads with this woman, quite often receiving comments that were confrontational and bordering disrespectful. It's been challenging for me, to say the least. People who know me well would say I am "challenged" because I have this crazy need to have everyone like me. Add to it my incredible discomfort with confrontation and you've got a storm brewing. Can you see where this is going?!?

Friday things came to a head. We were in a team meeting and we ended up having a fight. Clearly things had been building up for this woman and she let me have it all. What was really weird for me, however, was my reaction. As I heard her say things like...

"I don't need your patronizing compliments. I don't care what you think." and...

"Every time you ask me a question I feel like you're challenging me. You don't have the right to challenge me." And...

"I don't report to you. I don't have to explain myself" ... And...

"You don't add any value to this process"...

OIE!! As she was going on and on and ON, I was having this discussion in my head. I was balancing an urge to lash out with my words and hurt her like she was hurting me against my desire to remain true to my commitment to be respectful in all conversations, leaving the person with their dignity and self-respect. This position has taken ALOT of work on my part to achieve and, on that Friday morning, I was having my own internal battle over my response. It was a very surreal experience, truth be told.

What happened? Well, I resisted my urge to use profanity and to verbally rip her to shreds. I did, however, defend myself and mentioned that I refuse to change who I was because she couldn't handle it. OF course, I used more words than that, but that was the gist of the message I gave her.

After we each took a break, we regrouped. She said she was feeling very frustrated because she had been doing all kinds of work and the project was not moving forward. She said she had taken her frustration out on me and asked for my forgiveness. WOW!! At that point, it didn't matter what she said before, I knew the REAL reason for her lashing out. It wasn't really about me. It was about HER frustration. And, btw, how amazing was she to be able to admit that to me AND to ask for my forgiveness?!? I sure learned a lesson in humility on that day. Oh, and I like her even more now.

So, what are my takeaways from this encounter?

* First of all, even during the toughest of times, staying true to who you are feels AMAZING!

* It's not always about me. I know...shocking! OK, so maybe there really were things I've done that have pissed her off. I get that. But at the end of the day, what she acknowledged was that it wasn't about me. ooh...maybe she likes me now ...

* At Adler, they teach you to listen to the words behind the words - understand what's going on under the surface. With this woman, there was more to it than just my behaviors. If I'd had my coaching cap on, would I have been able to sense the deeper frustration? Would I have been able to hear phrases or words that indicated something else was going on? Perhaps, but in this particular case it didn't matter. She was a big enough person to admit to the frustration and how cool is that?

I wanted to blog about this event because it really shook me up. The ranting of this person and the horrible words she chose reminded me of a few of my old bosses. It took me back to times I thought I'd forgotten and vowed I would never repeat. I promised myself I would never allow someone to bully or abuse me in the workplace again, and this felt like both. What made me proud was that I stood up for myself and I said I would not change who I was because she was uncomfortable with me. AND, I believe I did it in a respectful way. That felt great!

Poppits, remember the amazing things about yourself and never, ever, EVER let anyone make you question them.

Stay true, be proud and ROCK ON!!

Signing off with a mirror pointed at you. Check out the SUPERCOOLHAPPYLOVETHING staring back at 'cha! Ooh mama....smokin'....
(a)yt xox

"Moments of Joy"

Isn't that a great term?!?

Heidi ho, poppits and Happy Monday to you!

I am coming off of a FAB-U-LUSS weekend where I attended a Coaching Skills "Boot Camp" by "kick-ass" coach Dorothy Greenaway. She rocked and the weekend was AWESOME! As to be expected after spending a weekend with eight other coaches, I came away with some great self-awareness and learning. I also came away feeling better about my coaching skills and excited about the coaching conversation again. I was reminded of how much I really like listening and being curious.

As you know, 'cuz I mention it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, I've been really trying to get my "mojo" back around losing weight and exercising. Whenever The Evil One asks me the question "but WHY can't you control your eating?", I never seem to have an answer for him. That has been a never-ending source of frustration for me. I've narrowed down when I eat (happy, sad, bored, not bored, hungry, not hungry, yada-yada), but haven't figured out the WHY behind it. This is the question I took with me to solve over this past weekend.

Was I able to "dig deep" and have a magical "a-ha" moment to answer the elusive "why"? Um, not so much, really. BUT I was able to remind myself of the "greatness" I wanted to achieve. That "greatness" being my crazy, impassioned desire to help people tap into their strengths and realize all they can be. By writing this blog, for example, my hope is that people will see the simple message I bring...if I can do it, ANYONE can do it. "It" being whatever huge obstacle they need to move.

Let's face it, people, my struggles are not the prettiest or easiest to have to witness and I thank you for sticking by me. But I've done what I set out to do - climb The Inca Trail. This weekend I realized that I really CAN do whatever the heck I want to do. I just need to get over myself! Have I seen any results? Well, I'm back to eating within my 8-hour window and have seen a serious reduction in carb & sugar intake. I'm back to feeling good about what goes into my mouth and that makes me happy!

One of the things we did was The Canopy Walk over The Haliburton Forest. Let me quote you from the website the description of The Canopy Walk...

"The canopy boardwalk is the ultimate highlight of this outing. Over half a kilometer long - and as such the longest of its kind in the world - the canopy boardwalk winds through the treetops some 10-20 meters above the forest floor. A platform suspended from the treetops above, becomes the gathering place where you can enjoy a leisurely snack while your guide elaborates on the forest environment surrounding you. A spectacular view across the lakes and forests becomes a fitting closure to your tree top tour."

Sounds lovely, doesn't it?!? What they DON'T tell you is that the "platform suspended from the treetops above" bobs & weaves like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship from his shore leave!

Throughout the "ultimate highlight" that was The Canopy Walk, I found myself hugging trees as I hooked the clasps of my safety harness from one set of ropes to another; moving forward faster in a panicked state as my two partners progressed more confidently in the walk and I pulled up the rear; laughing hysterically (and I mean tears flowing, gut wrenching, face aching hysterical laughing) as I almost missed the GIANT first step that transitioned one suspended platform onto another; and tripping TWICE because my foot got caught on the rope at the side of wooden planks that was my boardwalk. Folks, I'm here to tell you I was FREAKED OUT!! The point of the walk was to get the "meta view" of the forest and to align that view with a coach's objective to always hold our client's meta goal in site for them. It's a lofty objective and one that Dorothy meant well in setting for us. But, all I know is that, for me, I couldn't see the forest because of all the fear I faced. Admittedly, I was able to feel better about my skills in transferring the safety clasps from one platform to another, but everytime I tried to look down and see the forest below, I felt a wave of nausea that caused me to grip the side ropes harder and make me walk a little faster to get the end!

Facing fear is a good thing, especially when you've got safety harnesses to back you up. However, you don't realize that until AFTER you've faced & conquered the fear. What's up with that?!? Too bad all fears didn't have crystal balls into which we could see us conquering whatever the fear was we faced. But then again, what fun would that be?!?


I'll wrap things up, but before I do, I want to share a tidbit from a coaching conversation I had with one of The Inca Chicks. She's the one who coined the phrase "Moments of Joy". During our conversation, she remembered being at Dead Woman's Pass (the highest point of our journey on The Inca Trail) feeling complete joy every time one of our team members arrived at the top of the Pass. Knowing how difficult the journey was, made her joyous EVERY TIME one of our team members reached the top. She said she decided to retire on top of that mountain because she wanted to find more "moments of joy" like the ones she experienced at Dead Woman's Pass. WOW!!

So tell me, poppits...What constitutes a "moment of joy" for you? And how often do you have them in a day?

Hmmmm.....

NOW tell me... what are you going to do to get more moments of joy in your life?!?

Wishing you "kick-ass" conversations and MANY moments of joy!
(a)yt xox

Inspiration

Hi poppits!

Here's hopin' you had a great, long weekend and that getting back to work wasn't too challenging for you!

I had a great weekend, filled with socializing and re-runs of The West Wing - my latest DVD purchase. Man! I LOVED that show!

I also went to a couple of movies and dinner with pal-o-mine, Joanne. It had been a bit of time since I'd had the pleasure of Joanne's company alone, and I was reminded of how much I enjoyed spending time with her! We had great conversations and saw two AWESOME movies! Now, I don't normally do movie reviews, but I gotta tell you that Despicable Me (in 3D) and Salt were GREAT! Both movies rocked it, and to be truthful, were inspiring in their own way. Despicable Me was funny, creative and quite touching...fun for all. And yes, it's an adult movie too. Angelina Jolie in Salt was INCREDIBLE!! Say what you will about her love life (no wait! please say no more, I've had enough!), that chick can act! And run around...like for a long time and over many things! I'm sure she had a stunt women for the really difficult stunts, but that was DEFINITELY Angie running through the streets of Washington and around NYC. It was also Angie who did these amazing pivots off the wall just before she'd crack somebody upside the head with a gun and kick their butt...literally! So inspired was I that I'm going to tell The Evil One I have a new fitness goal. I want to be ripped enough so I can kick four CIA agents at the ready. I'm thinking it could take me a few months to figure out the sleeping-death-neck-grip move, but that's ok. I am, after all, a lover not a fighter!

After chatting with Joanne, I felt really good about my life. She reminded me of what I'd accomplish, and that this "moment of the journey" (i.e. when I can't seem to stop stuffing my face with everything) is just temporary. It's true. It reminded me of a great line in Anne of Green Gables, where Anne says "Tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it"...or something like tha... you get the gist, right? It doesn't matter how badly you've messed up, there's always tomorrow...or next week... or the next five minutes! Whatever it takes to get back on track, go for it!

I've had to draw upon a couple of tidbits I've learned from the "yt School of Getting Back Up After You've Had Your Butt Kicked a Few Times":

- Guilt and regret are two wasted emotions. Feeling them benefits no one. Suck it up and make amends, learn from the experience and move on. Yeah, I've put on a few pounds since I've come back from Machu Picchu, but I'm nowhere near where I was, so I need to stop whining, start exercising and MOVE ON!

- Laugh as often and as loud as you can. I'm sure those of you who have actually heard my laugh would not describe it as "delicate", so I'm all about letting 'er rip whenever the mood strikes me. Trust me, I've learned from the best. My siblings & I are notorious for laughing...all the time ... regardless of whether or not it's appropriate. Just ask my traumatized nieces and nephews. But at least we laugh. Joanne also has a hearty laugh and this weekend we both let go of a few, good belly laughs. What a great feeling that was!!

- Life's too short for the "what ifs". I've never felt myself to be a major risk-taker, but this weekend I was reminded that I've actually been living on the edge for quite a bit of time. Pursuing a dream is not always the easiest thing to do, but I gotta tell you, it's AMAZING when you do it!

I loved my weekend and I am thankful to Joanne for her inspiration. I don't think she knows what she's triggered in me...oops! Gotta flip her this blog so I don't have a "what if" about that!

My question for you poppits is this....from where do you draw inspiration? What little things in life give you pleasure and renew your hope? What books or movies give you inspiration? What friend or relative or work colleague can YOU count on to lift your spirits? I hope I've planted a seed for you to start paying attention.

Wishing you days filled with no regrets, inspiration and rip-roarin' laughter!
(a)yt xox